MS-UoR-1227-7-12-2

[0004] ...birth...into this world...this world...of a tiny little thing...five pounds...in a godfor-...what?...girl?...tiny little girl...into this...in a godforsaken hole...in the bog...named -...what?...the downs?...godforsaken hole in the downs?...no...no!...the bog...godforsaken hole in the bog...named...named...forgotten...[0005]to parents unknown...he having vanished... vanished into...thin air...no sooner done his...devilish work?? work...and she similarly...nine months later...almost to the minute...[0006]so no love...such as normally showered on the...speechless infant...in the home...no...nor indeed [⁁]^{for that matter} any of any kind...at any subsequent...time ^stage...so usual affair...nothing worthy of note [0007] till...coming up to sixty when...what?...sixty-five?...coming up to sixty-five...walking in a field...searching ^aimlessly for cowslips...to make a ball...when suddenly all went out...all that early April morning light...and she found herself in the -...what?...I?...no...nox^!...she ...found herself in the dark...[0008]and if not exactly...insentient...insentient...for w^she still ^could heard the buzzing...so-called!...in the ears...and a ray of light...such as the moon might shed...drifteing...in and out of cloud...but so lessened...sensation...sensation so lessened...she did not know...what position she s^was in...whether standing...ot^r sitting...but the brain 6.. brain -...what?...lying?...whx^ether standing...or sitting...or lying...[0009]but the brain still...in a way ^sense...for her first thought was...after some time it is true...her first thought...brought up as she had been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...God (laugh)...[0010]first thought was...she was being punished...for her sins ^{iniquities[stet]} ...a number of which then...further proof if proof were needed...flashed through her mind...[0011]then dismissed as foolisg^h...this thought dismissed...as she gradually ralised realized...she was not suffering^{...not suffering at all}...indeed could not remember...when she had suffered less...unless of course... course she was...meant to be suffering ^{at all}...thought to be suffereing...just as so often...in the past...when clearly intended to be hab^ving pleasure...she was in fact...having none whatsoever ^{not the slightest}...in which case of course...that notion of punishment...for some sin or other...or for no special reason...for its own sake...thing she understood perfecf^tly...that notion of punishment...which had first occurred to her...brought up as she had been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...

[0011] God (laugh)...first occurred to her...then dismisw^sed...as foolish...was perhaps not so foolish...after all...so o,ⁿ...all that...[0012]till another thouhgt... thought...some time later it is true...very childish really but -...what?...the buzzing?...yes...all the time the bzz buzzing...so-called^!...in the earx^s...though of course actually...not in the ears at all...in the skull...the heart of [0012] the skull!...and all the time...this beam or ray...as before...on and off...like from a moon...but perhaps ^{no doubt} not...perhaps ^{no doubt} all part of the iwh ^wish to...torment...but not in the least^{...not a twinge}...for the moment...ah...for the moment...