MS-UoR-1227-7-12-5

[0018] none other..than her own..certain vowel sounds..she had
never heard elsewhere never heard..elsewhere..so that
people would stare at her..the rare occasions..once or
twice a year..always winter some strange reason..stare
s^at her uncomprehending..and now..thuⁱs ^stream...steady stream..
she who had never..on the contrary..practically speechless
..all her days..how she survived!

[0019]..even shopping..busy
shopping centre..supermart..just handed in the list..
with the ^{bag...old black shopping} shopping bag..then stood there waiting..any length
of time..middle of the throng..motionless..staring into
space^{..mouth half open as usual}..till it was back in her hand..the bag back in her
hand..then paid and went..not as much as goodbye..how she
survived!..and now this stream..not catching the half of
it..not the quarter..no idea..what she was saying..imagine!
..no idea what she was saying!..

[0020] till she began trying to..
delude herslef..it was not e^hers at all..not her voice at
all..and would no doubt have succeeded..vital she should..
was on the point..after long efforts..when gradually she
felt..suddenly she felt..her lips moving..imagine!..her
lips mob^ving!..as of course till then she had not..and

[0021] not alone the lips..the cheeks..the jaws..the whole face..^{all those..what?...the tongue?...yes...}
the tongue in the mouth..all those contortions without
which..no speech possible..and yet..in the ordinary way..
not felt at all..so intent one is..on what one is saying..
the whole being..hanging on its words..so that not only
she had..had she..to give up..admit hers alone..her voice
alone

[0022]..but this other awful thougr^ht..sudden flash..oh
long after!..even more awful if possible...^that feeling
was coming back..feeling was cp^oming back!..starting at
the top..then working down..the whole machine..but no..^{spared that..}
the face alone..so far..ha!..so far..

[0023]then thinking..oh
long after..sudden after!..sudden flash..it can't go on..
all this..all that..steady stream..straining to hear..
make something of it..and her own thoughts..make some-
thing of them..all - ..what?..the buzzing..yes..q^all the
time the buzzing..so-called!..all that together..imagine!..
body like gone..

[0024]only a ^{just the} face..lips..cheeks..jaws..never - ..
what?..tongue?..yes..lips..cheeks..jaws..tongue..never
still a second..mouth on fire..stream of words..in her
ear..practically in her ear..not catching the half..not
the quarter..no idea wg^hat she's saying..imagine!..no idea
what she's saying!..and can't stop..no stopping it!..
just as a moment before..a moment!..she couldn't make

[0024]a sound..no sound of any kind..now can't stop..imagine!..
can't stop the flow ^stream!..[0025]the whole brain begging..begging
the mouth to stop..pause a moment..if only for a moment..
and no response..as thou if it hadn't heard...^or couldn't..
couldn't pause an instant;;like maddened instant ^{a second}..like
maddened..all that together..trying to hear..piece it
together..and the brain..raving away on its own..trying
to make sense of it..make it stop..

[0026] or in the past..drag-
ging up the past..flashes from all over..walks mostly..
walking all her days..a few steps then stop dead..stare
into space..move on a few more..stop and stare again..^{drifting around..day after day..}then
that time she cried..the one time she could remember..

[0026] since she was a baby..must hq^ave cried as a baby..perhaps
not..not essential to life..just the birth cry to get
her ^going...breathing..then no more till this..old woman ^hag already..
sitting looking at her hand..where was it?..Croks^er's
meadows ^acres..one evening on the way back ^{home..home!..}..a little mound in
Croker's meadows..sitting staring at her hand