MS-UoR-1227-7-12-6

[0008] kneeling..but the brain - ..what? ..lying?..yes..whether
standing..or sitting..or kneeling..or lying..[0009]but the brain
still..still..in a way..for her first thought was..oh long
after!..sudden flash..brought up as she had been to believe..
with the other waifs..in a merciful..(888^brief laugh)..God..
(good laugh)..

[0010]first thought was..oh long after..^sudden flash in the
dark..she was being punished..for her sins..a number of
which then..further proof if proof were needed..flashed
through her mind..one after another..

[0011] then dismissed..as fool-
[ish;;] ish ..oh long after! ..this thought dismissed..as she
suddenly realized..gradually realized..she was not suffering..
imagine!..not suffering!..indeed could not remember..off-hand
..when she had suffered less..unless of course she was..
meant to be suffering..ha!..thought to be suffering..just
as the odd time..in her life..when clearly intended to be
having pl[easurex] pleasure..she was in fact..having none..

[0011] not the slightest..in which case of course..that notion[x]
of punishment..for some sin or other..or for the lot..or
no particular reason..for its own sake..thing she understood
perfectly..that notion of punishment..which had first occur-
red to her..sudden flash..brought up as she had been to be-
lieve..with the other waifs..in a merciful..(brief laugh)..
God..(good laugh)..first occurred to her..then dismissed..
as foolish..was perhaps not so foolish..after all ^{..oh long after!} ..so on..
all that..vain reasonings..

[0012] till an ^this other thought..sudden
flash..very foolish really but - ..what? ..
the buzzing?..yes..all the time the buzzing ..so-called!..
in the ears..though of course actually..not in the ears at
all..in the skull..dull roar in the skull..and all the time
this ray or beam..like moonbeam..but probably not..certainly
not..always the same spot..now bright..now shrouded..but

[0012] always the same spot..as no moon could..no..no moon..just
all part of the same wish to..torment..though actually in
point of fact..not in the least..not a twinge.. so far..ha!..
so far..this other thought then^{..oh long after..sudden flash..}..very foolish really but so
[Stet] like her..in a way..that she might do well to groan..on and
off..writhe she could not..as if in actual..agony..

[0013]but could
not..could not bring herself..some flaw in her make-up..in-
capable of deceit..or the machine..more likely the machine..
so disconnected..never got the message..or powerless to res-
pond..like numbed ..couldn't make the sound..not any sound..
no sound of any kind..no screaming for help for example..
should she feel so inclined..scream..(screams)..then listen..
(silence)..scream again..(screams again)..listen again..
(silence.⁾..no..spared that..

[0014] all silent as the grave..no [part 6]
part - ..what? ..the buzzing?..yes..all silent but for the
buzzing ..so-called!..[0015]no part of her moving..that she could
feel..just the eyelids..presumably..on and off..shut out the