Samuel Beckett
Digital Manuscript Project
Not I / Pas moi

MS-UoR-1227-7-12-6

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Segment 1

[0015] light..reflex they call it..no feeling of any kind..but
the lids..even best of times..who feels them?..opening..
shutting..all that moisture..
[0016]but the brain still..still
sufficiently..oh very much so!..at this stage..in control..
under control..to question even this..for on that April
morning..so it reasoned..that April morning..she fixing
with her eye..a distant bell..as she hastened towards it..

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Segment 2

[0016]fixing it with her eye..lest it elude her..had not all gone
out..all that light..of itself. .without any..any..on her
part..so on..so on it reaso,ned..vain questionings..and all
dead still..sweet silent as the grave..when suddenly..gradual-
ly..she realiz - ..what? ..the buzzing?..yes..all dead still
but for the buzzing ..so-called!..

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Segment 3

[0017]when suddenly shre realized..
words were - ..what? ..who?..what?..no..no!..[xxx] she..
she!.. (pause and movement 2)..realized..words were coming..imagine!..
words were coming!..a voice she did not recognize..at first..
so long since it had sounded

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Segment 4

[0018]..then finally had to admit..
to herself..could be none other..than her own..certain vowel vow-ell
sounds..she had never heard..elsewhere..so that people would
stare..the rare occasions..once or twice a year..always winter
some strange reason..stare at her uncomprehending..and now
[this..steady stream] this stream..steady stream..she who had
never..on the contrary..practically speechless..all her days..
how she survived!

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Segment 5

[0019]..even shopping..busy shopping centre..
supermart..just hand(ed) in the list..with the bag..old black
shopping bag..then stood stand there waiting..any length of time..
middle of the throng..motionless..staring into space..mouth
half open as usual..till it was back in her hand..the bag back
in her hand..then paid pay and went go..not as much as goodbye..how
she survived!..and now this stream..not catching the half of
it..not the quarter..no idea..what she was saying..imagine!..
no idea what she was saying!..

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Segment 6

[0020]till she began trying to..delude
herself..it was not hers at all..not her voice at all..and
would have no dounbt..vital she should..was on the point..
after long efforts..

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Segment 7

[0021] when suddenly she felt..gradually she
felt..her lips moving..imagine!..her lips moving!..as of
course till then she had not..and not alone the lips..the
cheeks..the jawas..the whole face..all those - ..what? ..the
tongue?..yes..the tongue in the mouth..all those contortions

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Segment 8

[0021] without which..no speech possible..and yet..in the ordinary
way..not felt at all..so intent one is..is one..so intent is one..on what one is say-
ing..the whole being..hanging on its words..so that not only
she had..had she..not only had she..to gibve up..admit hers alone..her voice
alone

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Segment 9

[0022]..but this other awful thought..ogh long after!..sudden flash..
evebn more awful if possible..that feeling was coming
back..imagine!....feeling was coming back!..starting at the top..then
working down..the whole machine..but no..spared that..the
face mouth alone..so far..ha!..so far..
[0023]then thinking..oh long after!
..sudden flash..it can't go on..all this..all that..steady
stream..straining to hear..make something of it..and her own

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Addition 1
imagine!..
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Addition 2
vow-ell
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Addition 3
is one..so intent is one..
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Addition 4
not only had she..
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Addition 5
..imagine!..
Transcription
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  • Marginal Additions