MS-UoR-1227-7-12-2

[0004] ...birth...into this world...this world...of a tiny
little thing...five pounds...in a godfor-...what?...
girl?...tiny little girl...into this...in a godforsaken
hole...in the bog...named -...what?...the downs?
...godforsaken hole in the downs?...no...no!...the bog...
godforsaken hole in the bog...named...named...forgotten...

[0005]to parents unknown...he having vanished
into...thin air...no sooner done his...devilish
work...and she similarly...nine months later...almost
to the minute...[0006]so no love...such as normally showered
on the...speechless infant...in the home...no...nor
indeed [⁁]^{for that matter} any of any kind...at any subsequent... ^stage
...so usual affair...nothing worthy of note

[0007] till...coming
up to sixty when...what?...sixty-five?...coming up to
sixty-five...walking in a field...searching ^aimlessly for cow-
slips...to make a ball...when suddenly all went out...
all that early April morning light...and she found herself
in the -...what?...I?...no...no^!...she ...found herself
in the dark...

[0008]and if not exactly...insentient...insentient
...for ^she still ^could hear the buzzing...so-called!...in
the ears...and a ray of light...such as the moon might
shed...drifting...in and out of cloud...but so lessened...
sensation...sensation so lessened...she did not know...
what position she ^was in...whether standing...o^r sitting...
but the brain -...what?...lying?...wh^ether
standing...or sitting...or lying...

[0009]but the brain still...
in a ^sense...for her first thought was...after some time
it is true...her first thought...brought up as she had
been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...God
(laugh)...[0010]first thought was...she was being punished...
for her sins ^[stet] ...a number of which then...further proof
if proof were needed...flashed through her mind...

[0011] then dismissed as foolis^h...this thought dismissed...
as she gradually realized...she was not suffer-
ing...indeed could not remember...when she had suffered
less...unless of course she was...meant to be
suffering ...though to be suffering...just as so often...
in the past...when clearly intended to be ha^ving pleasure...

[0011] she was in fact...having ^{not the slightest}...in which case
of course...that notion of punishment...for some sin or
other...or for no special reason...for its own sake...
thing she understood perfec^tly...that notion of punish-
ment...which had first occurred to her...brought up as
she had been to believe (laugh)...in a merciful (laugh)...