MS-UoR-1227-7-12-3

[0004] ...birth...into this world...this world...of a tiny
little thing...five pounds ^{premature before her its time}...in a godfor - ...what?
girl?...yes ^{all right}...tiny little girl...^birth into this...in a
godforsaken hole...in the bog...named - ...what?...^what?...
the downs? godfo the downs?...godforsaken hole in the
downs?...no...no!...the bog...godforsaken hole in the
bog...named...named...forgotten ^{gone...no matter...}...

[0005]to parents unknown...[⁁]^{unheard of...}
he having vanished into...thin air...no sooner done...
his devilish work ^{pulled buttoned [✓] up his trousers}...and she similarly...nine ^eight months
later almost t t to the minute...[0006]so no love...such
as normally showered on the...speechless infant...in
the home...no...nor indeed for that matter any of any
kind...at any subsequent...stage...so usual affair...
nothing worthh^y of note

[0007]till...coming up to sixty when...
what?...sixty-five?...coming up to sixty-five...walking
in a field...searching aimlessly for cowslips...to make
a ball^{...stop & stare into space}...when suddenly^{...gradually...}all went out...all that early
April morning light...and she found herself uⁱn the - ...
what?...I? ^who?...what?...no...no ^NO!...she...found herself in the dark...

[0008]and if not exactly...insentient...insentient...for she
still could hear the buzzing...so-called!...in the ears...
and a ray of light...such as the moon might cast...drift-
ing...in and out of cloud light...came and went...came
and went...such as the moon might cast...drifting...in and
out of cloud...but lessened ^dulled...sensation ^feeling...sensation ^feeling so
lessened ^dulled...she did not know...what position she was in!...^{imagine...what position she was in!...}
whether standing...or sitting...but the brain - ...what?...
lying?^...yes...whether standing...or sitting...or lying...

[0009]but
the brain still...in a sense ^way...for her first thought was...
after some little time to be sure ^{long after}...her first thought...
^{sudden flash...}brought up as she had been to believe (laugh)^{...with the other waifs (laugh)}...in a
merciful (laugh) merciful (laugh)...God (laugh)...[0010]first
thought was...^{flash in the dark...}she was being punished...for her sins...
a number ^some of which then...further proof if proof were need-
ed...flashed through her mind...

[0011]then dismissed as foolish...
this thought dismissed...as she gradually realized...she was
not suffering!...^{imagine...not suffering!..}indeed could not remember...when she had
suffered less...unless of course she was...meant to be suf-
fering...thought to be suffereing...just as so often in
her life...when clearly intended ^meant to be t^having pleasure...
she was in fact...having ^none...not the slightest...in which case
of course...that notion of punishment...for some sin or
other...or for no particular reason...for its own sake...
thing she understood perfectly...that notion of punishment..