MS-UoR-1227-7-12-3

[0019] not as much as goodbye...how she survived..: and now
this flood ^stream...and not hearing the half of it...what wih^th
the buzzing...her own thoughts...not the quarter...no
idea...what she was saying! ^{imagine...no idea what she was saying!}...[0020]till she began trying to...
pz^ersuade herslef...it was not hers at all...not her voice
at all...and would doubtless have succeeded...was on the
point...after long efforts...

[0021] when gradually she felt...
suddenly she felt...her lips moving...^imagine...her lips moving!
...as of course tillt then she had not...any more than the
rest...and not alone the lips...the cheeks...the jaws...
the whole face...the tongue in the mouth...all that flurry
without whih^ch...not utterance ^speech possible...and yet...
in the
ordinary way...not felt at all...so intent one is...on
what one is saying...the whole being so to speak[?]...

[0021]hanging on its words...so that not only she had...had she...
to give up...admit she and she alone[0022]...but this other
dready^ful thought...even more dreadful if possible...that
feeling was coming back...feeling was coming back!...
beginning at the top...then working down...the whole frame...
but no...the face alone...for the moment...ha!...for the mo
moment...

[0023]then thinking...long after^{...sudden flash}...it can't go on...
much moremout more...mouth on fire...whole face aching ^{all that...flood stream of words...}...
straining to hear...make something of it...and her own
thoughts...trying to get on with ^{make [some]thing of} them...all that together...
it can't - ...what?...the buzzing?...yes...on top i^of all
the buzzing...so-called! ^[?A] [0027] [⁁]^{all that}...can't go on...g^God is love...
she'll be purged...

[0028] back in the field...in the sun...April...
sink face down in the grass...nothing but the larks...
so on...snatching at comfort ^{the crumb}...trying to think...trying
to hear...the odd word...make some sense of it...whole
body like gone...only the face...face and mouth...gone
mad...no stopping it...something she- she - ...what?...
no...no§ no...no!...she...something she had to -...what?...

[0028] theb the buzzing?...yes...all the time the buzzing...
buzzing!...roaring ^{dull roar}...in her skull...and the ray...on and
off...^{ferreting around...}no pain in that ^there...no sense in that ^there...so far...ha!...
so far...[0029]then thinking...another thought...long after...^{a second and [lost] gone}
perhaps something...she had to say...could that be it?...
tiny little thing...hole in the bog...never any love...
spared that...speechless all her days...stand waiting for
the bag...pay and go without a word...how she survived ^[C] ...

[0029] now this...something she had to say...could that be it?...
something that would say...how it was...could - ...what?...
had been?...yes...something that would say...how it had
been...how she had survived...lived on and on...^{guilty or not guilty} to be
sixty...something she -...what?...sixty-five?...lived on
and on...to be sixty-five...something she didn't know