Digital Manuscript ProjectNot I / Pas moi

[0013] sound..not any sound..no sound of any kind..sno screaming
for help for example..should she feel so inclined..scream..
(screams)..then slisten P ..(silence)..scream again..(screams
again)..then listen again P ..(silence)..no..spared that..
[0014]all silent as the grave..no part - p ..what?..the buzzing?..
yes..all silent but for the buzzing..so-called..
[0015]not part
of her moving..that she could feel..just the eyelids..
presumably..on and off..shut out the light..reflex they
call it..no feeling of any kind..but the lids..even best
of times..who feels them?..opening..shutting..all that
moisture..
[0016] but the brain still..still sufficiently..oh
very much so!..at this stage..in contriol..under control..
to question even this..for on that April morning..so it
reasoned..that April morning..she fixin[h]g with her eye..
a distant bell..as she hastened towards it..fixing it with
her eye..lest it elude her..had not all gone out..all that
[0016] light..of itself..without any..any..on her part..so on..
so on it reasoned..vain questionings..and all dead still..
sweet silent as the grave..when suddenly..gradually..she
realiz - p ..what?..the buzzing?..yes..all dead still but
for the buzzing..so-called
[0017] ..when suddenly she realized..words were - p
..what?.who? ..what?..no[₰] ..no!..SHE! P
..(pause and movement 2)
..realized..words were coming..imagine!..words were coming!..
a voice she did not recognize at first..so long since it
had sounded
[0018]..then finally had to admit..could be none other..
than her own..certain vowel sounds..she had never heard..
elsewhere..so that people would stare..the rare occasions..
once or twice a year..always winter some strange reason..
stare at her uncomprehending..and now this stream..steady
stream..she woh had never..on the contrary..practically
speechless..all her days..how she survived!
[0019]..even shopping..out shopping..
busy shopping centre..supermart..just handed[₰] in the list..
with the bag..old black shopping bag..then stand there
waiting..any length of time..middle of the throng..motion-
less..staring into space..mouth half open as usual..till
it was back in her hand..the bag back in her hand..then
pay and go..not as mcuh as goodbye..how she survived!..
and now this stream..not catching the half of it..not the
quarter..no idea..what she was saying..imagine!..no idea
what she was saying!..
[0020]till she began trying to..delude
herself..it was not hers at all..not her voice at all..
and no doubt would have..vital she should..was on the point..
after long efforts..[0021]when suddenly she felt..gradually she
felt..her lips moving..imagine!..her lips moving!..as of
course till then she had not..and not alone the lips..
the cheeks..the jaws..the whole face..all those - p ..what?..
the tongue?..yes..the tongue in the mouth..all those
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Editors: James Little and Vincent Neyt