[p. 01r] [0001] Where now? [0002] When now? [0003] Who now? [0004] Unquestioning.[Stet] [0005] I, say I. [0006] Unbelieving. [0007] Questions, hypotheses, call them that. [0008] Keep going, going on, call that going, call that on. [0009] Can it be that one day, off it goes on, that one day I simply stayed in, in where, instead of going out, in the old way, out to spend day and night as far away as possible, it wasn't far. [0010] Perhaps that is how it began. [0011] No more questions. [0012] You think you are simply resting, the better to act when the time comes, or for no reason, and you soon find yourself ^{powerless ever to do} anything again. [0013] No matter how it happened. [0014] It, say it, not knowing what. [0015] Perhaps I simply assented at last to an old thing.[Stet] [0016] But I did nothing. [0017] I seem to speak, it is not I, about me, it is not about me. [0018] These few general remarks to begin with. [0019] What am I to do, what shall I do, what should I do, in my situation, how proceed? [0020] By aporia pure and simple or by affirmations and negations invalidated as uttered, or sooner or later? [0021] Generally speaking. [0022] There must be other ^shifts. [0023] Otherwise it would be quite hopeless. [0024] But it is quite hopeless. [0025] I should mention before going any further, any further on, that I say aporia without knowing what it means. [0026] Can one be an Ephectic otherwise than unawares? DOODLE 1 [0027] I don't know. [0028] With the yesses and noes it is different^, ^they will come back to me as I go along, and how to shit on them, sooner or later, like a bird, without ^exception. [0029] That is an easy thing to say^{soon said}. [0030] The fact would seem to be, if in my situation one may speak of facts, ^not only that I shall have to speak of things of which I cannot speak, but also, which is even more interesting, ^{but also} that I, which is even more interesting, that I shall have to, I forget, no matter. [0031] And yet I am obliged to speak. [0032] I shall never be silent. [0033] Never.

[0034] I shall not be alone, at the outset ^{in the beginning}. [0035] ^{[⁁]I am of course alone.} [0036] Alone. [p. 02r] [0037] That is an easy thing to say ^{soon said}. [0038] Things have to be easy to say ^{soon said}. [0039] And how can one be sure, in such darkness? [0040] I s^hall have company. [0041] ^In the ^beginning. [0042] A few puppets. [0043] Then I'll scatter them, ^{to the winds,} [0044] If I can. [0045] And things, what is the right ^correct attitude towards things? [0046] And, to begin with, are ^they necessary? [0047] What a question. [0048] But I have no illusions, things are to be expected. [0049] The best is not to decide anything, in this connexion, in advance. [0050] If a thing turns up, for some reason or another, take it into ^{consideration}. [0051] Where there are people, it is said, there are things. [0052] Does this mean that when you admit the former you must admit the latter? [0053] ^{Time will tell}. [0054] The thing to avoid, I don't know why, is the spirit of system. [0055] People with things, people without things, things without people, what does it matter, ^{I'm confident I can scatter them}^{when I choose, to the winds.} [0056] I don't see how. [0057] The best would be not to begin. [0058] But I have to begin. [0059] That is to say I have to ^{go on}. [0060] Perhaps in the end I^'ll smother in a ^throng. [0061] Incessant comings and goings, the ^{crush &} bustle of a ^{bargain sale}. [0062] No, ^{no danger. Of that.}

[0063] Malone is there. [0064] Of his mortal ^liveliness little trace ^remains. [0065] He passes before me at doubtless regular intervals, unless it is I who pass before him. [0066] No, once and for all, I do not ^move. [0067] He passes, motionless. [0068] But there will not be much ^{on the subject of} Malone, from ^{whom there is nothing more} to be expected. [0069] ^Personally I do not intend to be bored. [0070] It was ^while watching him pass that I wondered if we cast a shadow. [0071] Impossible to say. [0072] He passes close to me, a few feet away, slowly, always in ^the same direction. [0073] I am almost sure it is he. [0074] The brimless hat seems conclusive. [0075] With his two hands he props up his jaw. [0076] He passes without a word. [0077] Perhaps he does not see me. [0078] One of these days ^I'll challenge him. ^I'll say^, I don't know, ^I'll think of something when the time comes. [0079] There are no days here, but I use the expression. [0080] I see him from the waist up, [0081] he stops at the waist, ^{as far as I'm concerned.} [0082] The trunk is erect. [0083] But I do not know whether he is ^{standing or kneeling} [0084] He might ^also ^{also be sitting}. [0085] I see him in profile. [0086] Sometimes I wonder if it is not [p. 03r] Molloy. [0087] Perhaps it is Molloy, wearing Malone's hat. [0088] But it is more reasonable to assume it is Malone, wearing his own hat. [0089] Oh look, there is the first thing, Malone's hat. [0090] I see no other clothes. [0091] Perhaps Molloy is not here at all. [0092] Could he be, without my knowledge? [0093] The place is no doubt vast. [0094] Dim intermittent lights suggest a kind of distance. [0095] To tell the truth I believe they are all here, at least from Murphy on, I believe we are all here, but so far I have only seen Malone. [0096] Another hypothesis, they were here, but are here no longer. [0097] I shall examine it after my fashion. [0098] Are there other pits, deeper down? [0099] To which one accedes by this one? [0100] Stupid obsession with depth. [0101] Are there other places set aside for us and this one where I am, with Malone, merely their narthex? [0102] I thought I ^had done with ^phases. [0103] No, no, we have all been here for ever, we shall all be here for ever, I know it.

[0104] ^No more questions. [0105] Is not this rather the place where one finishes vanishing?[Stet] [0106] Will the day come when Malone will pass before me no longer? [0107] Will the day come when Malone will pass before the spot where I was? [0108] Will the day come when another will pass before ^me, ^{[⁁] before} the spot where I was. [0109] I have no opinion, on the^se ^matters.

[0110] If I were not without feeling his beard would fill me with pⁱty. [0111] It hangs down, on either side of his chin, in two twists of unequal length. [0112] Was there a time when I too revolved thus? [0113] No, I have always been sitting here, at this ^self[⁁]same spot, my hands on my knees, gazing before me like a great horned owl in an aviary. [0114] The tears stream down my cheeks from my unblinking eyes. [0115] What makes me weep so? [0116] From time to time. [0117] There [^/]is nothing saddening here. [0118] Perhaps it is liquefied brain. [0119] Past happiness iⁿ any case has c^lean gone from my memory, assuming it was ever there. [0120] If I accomplish other natural functions, it is unawares. [0121] Nothing ever troubles me. [0122] And yet I am troubled. [0123] Nothing has ever changed since I have been here. But I dare not conclude from this that nothing will ever change. [0124] Let us [p. 04r] try and see where these considerations lead. [0125] I have been ^here, ^ever[⁁] since I began to be, my appearances elsewhere being due to other parties. [0126] All has proceeded, ^all this time, in the utmost calm, the most perfect order, apart from a few manifestations the meaning of which escapes me. [0127] No, it is not that their meaning escapes me, my own escapes me just as much. [0128] Here all things ^— no, I shall not say it, being unable to. [0129] I owe my existence to nobody, these faint fires are not of ^those that illuminate or burn. [0130] Going nowhere, coming from nowhere, Malone passes. [0131] These notions of ^forbears, of houses where lamps are lit at night, and other ^such, where do they come to me from? [0133] And all these questions I ask myself. [0134] It is not in a spirit of curiosity. [0135] I cannot be silent. [0136] ^{About myself I need to know nothing}. [0137] Here all is clear. [0138] No, all is not clear. [0139] But the discourse must ^{go on}. [0140] So one invents obscurities. [0141] ^Rhetoric. [0142] ^{These lights} ^{for example, which I do not ask to ^{mean anything}, what is there so strange} ^{about them, so wrong?} [0143] Is it their irregularity, their instability, ^{is it} their shining strong one minute and weak the next, but never ^beyond the power of one or two can^dles? DOODLE 2 [0144] Malone appears and disappears with the punctuality of clockwork, always at the same distance, the same ^velocity, in the same direction, the same attitude. [0145] But the play of the lights is truly unpredictable. [0146] It is only fair to say that to eyes less knowing than mine they would probably pass ^unseen. [0147] But even to mine do they not sometimes do so? [0148] They are perhaps unwavering and fⁱxed and my fitful perceiving the cause of their inconstancy. [0149] I hope I ^may have occasion to come back to this question. [0150] But I shall remark without further delay, in order to be sure of doing so, that I am ^relying on these lights, as indeed on all other similar sources of credible perplexity, to help me continue and perhaps even conclude. [0151] ^{I resume}, ^{I have to.} [0152] Yes, where was I, from the unexceptionable ^{order that has prevailed} ^here up to ^date may I infer that such will always ^be the case? [0153] I may [p. 05r] of course. [0154] But the mere fact of asking myself such a question ^{gives me to reflect}. [0155] It is in vain I tell myslef that its only purpose is to stimulate the lagging discourse, this excellent explanation does not satisfy me. [0156] Can it be I am the prey of a genuine preoccupation, of a need to know ^{as one might say}? [0157] I don't know. [0158] I'll try something else. [0159] If one day a change were to ^{take place}, ^resulting from a principle of disorder already present, or on its way, what then? [0160] ^That would ^seem ^{to [⁁]} depend on the nature of the change. [0161] No, here all change would be fatal and land me back, there and then . [0162] I'll try something else. [0163] Has nothing really changed since I have been here? [0164] ^No,[⁁] ^frankly, hand on heart, wait a second, no, nothing, to my knowledge. [0165] But, as I have said, the place may well be vast, as it may ^really measure twelve feet in diameter. [0166] As far as discerning its limits is concerend, it comes to the same thing. [0167] ^{I like} to think I occupy the centre, but nothing is less certain. [0168] In a sense I would be better off ^at the ^{circumference}, since my eyes are always fixed in the same direction. [0169] But I am certainly ⁿot ^at the ^{circumference}. [0170] For if I were then Malone, wheeling about me as he does, would ^issue from the ^enceinte at every revolution, which is manifestly impossible. [0171] But does he ^{in fact} wheel, does he not perhaps simply pass before me in a straight line? [0172] No, he wheels, I feel it, and about me, like a planet about its sun. [0173] And if he made a noise,[⁁] ^{as he goes,} I would hear him all the time, on my right hand, at my back, on my left hand, before seeing him again. [0174] But he makes none, for I am not deaf, of that I am convinced, that is to say half convinced. [0175] In any case from centre to ^{circumference} it is a far cry and I may w^ell be situated somewhere between the two. [0176] It is equally possible, I do not deny it, that I too am in ^perpetual motion, accompanied by Malone as the earth by its moon. [0177] In which case there would be no further grounds for my complaining about the disorder of the lights, due simply to my insistence on regarding them as always the same lights and viewed always from the same point. [0178] All is possible, or ^almost. [0179] But the best is to think of myself as fixed and at the centre of this place, whatever its shape and ^extent. [0180] This is[p. 06r] also probably the most pleasing to me. [0181] In a word no change apparently since I have been here^, disorder of the lights perhaps an illusion^, all change to be feared^, incomprehensible uneasiness.