MS-HRC-SB-5-10

^{1st revision up to p. 25}

[p. 01r] [0001] Where now? [0002] When now? [0003] Who now? [0004] Unquestioning ^{Without asking}.[Stet] [0005] I, say I. [0006] Unbelieving. [0007] Questions, hypotheses, call them that. [0008] Keep going, going on, call that going, call that on. [0009] Can it be that one day, off it goes on, that one day I simply stayed in, in where, instead of going out, in the old way, out to spend day and night as far away as possible, ^xxxwhere it wasn't far. [0010] Perhaps that is how it began. [0011] No more questions. [0012] You think you are simply resting, the better to act when the time comes, or for no reason, and you soon find yourself precluded from ever doing ^{powerless ever to do} anything again. [0013] No matter how it happened. [0014] It, say it, not knowing what. [0015] Perhaps I simply assented at last to an old thing ^situation.[Stet] [0016] But I did nothing. [0017] I seem to speak, it is not I, about me, it is not about me. [0018] These few general remarks to begin with. [0019] What am I to do, what shall I do, what should I do, in my situation, how proceed? [0020] By aporia pure and simple or by affirmations and negations invalidated as uttered, or sooner or later? [0021] Generally speaking. [0022] There must be other ways ^solutions out ^shifts. [0023] Otherwise it would be quite hopeless. [0024] But it is quite hopeless. [0025] I should mention before going any further, any further on, that I say aporia without knowing what it means. [0026] Can one be an Ephectic otherwise than unawares? DOODLE 1 [0027] I don't know. [0028] With the yesses and noes it is different.^, T^they will come back to me as I go along, and how to shit on them, sooner or later, like a bird, without omitting any ^exception. [0029] That is an easy thing to say ^{soon said}. [0030] The fact would seem to be, if in my situation one may speak of facts, nt ^not only that I shall have to speak of things of which I cannot speak, but also, which is even more interesting, ^{but also} that I, which is even more interesting, that I shall have to, I forget, no matter. [0031] And yet I am obliged to speak. [0032] I shall never be silent. [0033] Never.

[0034] I shall not be alone, at the outset ^{in the beginning}. [0035] Of course I am. ^{[⁁]I am of course alone.} [0036] Alone. [p. 02r] [0037] That is an easy thing to say ^{soon said}. [0038] Things have to be easy to say ^{soon said}. [0039] And how can one be sure, in such darkness? [0040] I sj^hall have company. [0041] At ^In the outset ^beginning. [0042] A few puppets. [0043] Then I'll scatter them., ^{to the winds,} [0044] If I can. [0045] And things, what is the right ^correct attitude towards things? [0046] And, to begin with, are things ^they necessary? [0047] What a question. [0048] But I have no illusions, things are to be expected. [0049] The best is not to decide anything, in this connexion, in advance. [0050] If a thing turns up, for some reason or another, take it into account ^{consideration}. [0051] Where there are people, it is said, there are things. [0052] Does this mean that when you admit the former you must admit the latter? [0053] It remains to be seen ^{Time will tell}. [0054] The thing to avoid, I don't know why, is the spirit of system. [0055] People with things, people without things, things without people, what does it matter, it will not take me long to scatter them. ^{I'm confident I can soon scatter them when I choose, to the winds.} [0056] I don't see how. [0057] The best would be not to begin. [0058] But I have to begin. [0059] That is to say I have to continue ^{go on}. [0060] Perhaps in the end I shall ^'ll smother in a crowd ^throng. [0061] Incessant comings and goings, the ^{crush &} bustle of a bazaar ^{bargain sale}. [0062] No, I am only joking. ^{no danger. Of that.}

[0063] Malone is there. [0064] Of his mortal v^liveliness little trace survives ^remains. [0065] He passes before me at doubtless regular intervals, unless it is I who pass before him. [0066] No, once and for all, I do not stir ^move. [0067] He passes, motionless. [0068] But there will not be much about ^{on the subject of} Malone, from whom nothing further is ^{whom there is nothing more} to be expected. [0069] I^Personally I do not intend to be bored. [0070] It was ^while watching him pass that I wondered if we cast a shadow. [0071] Impossible to say. [0072] He passes close to me, a few feet away, slowly, always in h^the same direction. [0073] I am almost sure it is he. [0074] The brimless hat seems to be conclusive. [0075] With his two hands he props up his jaw. [0076] He passes without a word. [0077] Perhaps he does not see me. [0078] One of these days I shall ^I'll challenge him. I shall ^I'll say...^, I don't know, I shall ^I'll think of something when the time comes. [0079] There are no days here, but I use the expression. [0080] I see him from the waist up, [0081] he stops at the waist, for me. ^{as far as I'm concerned.} [0082] The trunk is erect. [0083] But I do not know whether he is on his feet or on his knees. ^{standing or kneeling} [0084] He might ^also be seated ^{also be sitting}. [0085] I see him in profile. [0086] Sometimes I wonder if it is not [p. 03r] Molloy. [0087] Perhaps it is Molloy, wearing Malone's hat. [0088] But it is more reasonable to assume it is Malone, wearing his own hat. [0089] Oh look, there is the first thing, Malone's hat. [0090] I see no other clothes. [0091] Perhaps Molloy is not here at all. [0092] Could he be, without my knowledge? [0093] The place is no doubt vast. [0094] Dim intermittent lights suggest a kind of distance. [0095] Tp To tell the truth I believe they are all here, at least from Murphy on, I believe we are all here, but so far I have only seen Malone. [0096] Another hypothesis, they were here, but are here no longer. [0097] I shall examine it after my fashion. [0098] Are there other pits, deeper down? [0099] To which one accedes by this one? [0100] Stupid obsession with depth. [0101] Are there other places set aside for us and this one where I am, with Malone, merely their narthex? [0102] I thought I was ^had done with preliminaries ^phases. [0103] No, no, we have all been here for ever, we shall all be here for ever, I know it.

[0104] No ^{I shall ask myself No} more questions. [0105] Is not this rather the place where one finishes vanishing ^{fading away} ?[Stet] [0106] Will the day come when Malone will pass before me no longer? [0107] Will the day come when Malone will pass before the spot where I was? [0108] Will the day come when another will pass before ^{me, [⁁] before} the spot where I was. [0109] I have no opinion, on the^se subject ^matters.

[0110] If I were not without feeling his beard would fill me with puⁱty. [0111] It hangs down, on either side of his chin, in two twists of unequal length. [0112] Was there a time when I too revolved thus? [0113] No, I have always been sitting here, at this ^self[⁁]same spot, my hands on my knees, gazing before me like a great horned owl in an aviary. [0114] The tears stream down my cheeks from my unblinking eyes. [0115] What makes me weep so? [0116] From time to time. [0117] There [^/]is nothing saddening here. [0118] Perhaps it is liquefied brain. [0119] Past happiness ijⁿ any case has ce^lean gone from my memory, assuming it was ever there. [0120] If I accomplish other natural functions, it is unawares. [0121] Nothing ever troubles me. [0122] And yet I am troubled. [0123] Nothing has ever changed since I have been here. But I dare not conclude from this that nothing will ever change. [0124] Let us [p. 04r] try and see where these considerations lead. [0125] I have been ^here, ^{here ever}[⁁] since I began to be, here, my appearances elsewhere being due to other parties. [0126] All has proceeded, throughout ^all this time, in the utmost calm, the most perfect order, apart from a few manifestations the meaning of which escapes me. [0127] No, it is not that their meaning escapes me, my own escapes me just as much. [0128] Here all things ... ^— no, I shall not say it, being unable to. [0129] I owe my existence to nobody, these faint fires are not of the kind ^those that illuminate or burn. [0130] Going nowhere, coming from nowhere, Malone passes. [0131] These notions of ancestors ^forbears, of houses where lamps are lit at night, and other kindred ones ^such, where do they come to me from? [0133] And all these questions that I ask myself. [0134] It is not in a spirit of curiosity. [0135] I cannot be silent. [0136] I do not need to know anything about myself ^{About myself I need to know nothing}. [0137] Here all is clear. [0138] No, all is not clear. [0139] But the discourse must continue ^{go on}. [0140] So one invents obscurities. [0141] It is r^Rhetoric. [0142] What then ^{These lights} is so strange about these lights, I do not ask them to mean any- ^{for example, which I do not ask to have meaning mean anything, what is there so strange} thing, so out of place almost? ^{about them, one might almost say so wrong?} [0143] Is it their irregularity, their instability, ^{is it} their shining strong one minute and weak the next, but never exceeding ^beyond the power of one or two canf^dles? DOODLE 2 [0144] Malone appears and disappears with the punctuality of clockwork, always at the same distance from me, at the same speed ^velocity, in the same direction, in the same attitude. [0145] But the play of the lights is truly unpredictable. [0146] It is only fair to say that to eyes less knowing than mine they would probably pass quite unnoticed ^unseen.. [0147] But even to mine do they not sometimes do so? [0148] They are perhaps unwavering and foⁱxed and my fitful perceiving the cause of their inconstancy. [0149] I hope I shall ^may have occasion to come back to this question. [0150] But I shall remark without further delay, in order to be sure of doing so, that I am counting ^relying on these lights, as indeed on all other similar sources of credible perplexity, to help me continue and perhaps even conclude. [0151] Upon which I shall continue ^{And xxx I I resume}, I have to. ^{I have to.} [0152] Yes, where was I, from the unexceptionable harmony of this place ^{order that has prevailed here} up to now ^date may I infer that such will always n^be the case? [0153] I may [p. 05r] of course. [0154] But the mere fact of asking myself such a question sets me wondering ^{gives me to reflect}. [0155] It is in vain I tell myslef that its only purpose is to stimulate the lagging discourse, this excellent explanation does not satisfy me. [0156] Can it be I am the prey of a genuine preoccupation, of a need to know so to speak ^{as one might say}? [0157] I don't know. [0158] I'll try something else. [0159] If one day a change were to occur ^{take place}, proceeding ^resulting from a principle of disorder already present, or on its way, what then? [0160] All ^That would ^{seem to [⁁]} depend on the nature of the change in question. [0161] No, here all change would be fatal and land me back, there and then, in ^all the fun of the ^{among the swings and} fair ^{the roundabouts}. [0162] I'll try something else. [0163] Has nothing really changed since I have been here? [0164] ^No,[⁁] F^frankly, hand on heart, wait a second, no, nothing, to my knowledge. [0165] But, as I have said, the place may well be vast, as it may well ^really measure twelve feet in diameter. [0166] As far as discerning its limits is concerend, it comes to the same thing. [0167] It pleases ^{I like} me to think I occupy the centre, but nothing is less certain. [0168] In a sense I would be better off on ^at the d^edge ^{circumference}, since my eyes are always fixed in the same direction. [0169] But I am certainly oⁿot on ^at the edge ^{circumference}. [0170] For if I were then Malone, wheeling about me as he does, would exit ^issue froù from the enclosure ^enceinte at every revolution, which is manifestly impossible. [0171] But does he really ^{in fact} wheel, does he not perhaps simply pass before me in a straight line? [0172] No, he wheels, I feel it, and about me, like a planet about its sun. [0173] And if he made a noise,[⁁] ^{as he goes,} I would hear him all the time, on my right hand, at my back, on my left hand, before seeing him again. [0174] But he makes none, for I am not deaf, of that I am convinced, that is to say half convinced. [0175] In any case from centre to edge ^{circumference} it is a far cry and I may wd^ell be situated somewhere between them the two. [0176] It is equally possible, I do not deny it, that I too am in endless ^perpetual motion, accompanied by Malone, as the earth by its moon. [0177] In which case there would be no further grounds for my complaining about the disorder of the lights, ^{this being} due simply to my insistence on regarding them as always the same lights and viewed always from the same point. [0178] All is possible, or very nearly ^almost. [0179] But the best is to think of myself as fixed and at the centre of this place, whatever its shape and scope ^extent. [0180] This is[p. 06r] also probably the most pleasing to me. [0181] In a word: no change apparently since I have been here;^, disorder of the lights perhaps an illusion:^, all change to be feared;^, incomprehensible uneasiness.