[p. 31r]
[2867] said. [2868] I was at pains to use this term, a little difficult for juveniles, having explained its meaning and application to him a few days before. [2869] So I had high hopes of his telling me he didn't understand. [2870] But he was a cunning little fellow, in his way. [2871] Martha! I bellowed. [2872] She appeared. [2873] The sequel, I said. [2874] I looked more attentively out of the window. [2875] Not only had the rain stopped, that I knew already, but in the west scarves of fine red sheen were mounting in the sky. [2876] I felt them rather than saw them, through my little wood. [2877] A great joy, it is hardly too much to say, surged over me at the sight of so much beauty, so much promise. [2878] I turned away with a sigh, for the joy inspired by beauty is often not unmixed, and saw in front of me what with good reason I had called the sequel. [2879] Now what have we here? I said. [2880] Usually on Sunday evening we had cold fare, the remains of a fowl, chicken, duck, goose, turkey, [⁁]I can think of no other fowl,, from Saturday evening. [2881] I have always had great success with my turkeys, they are a better proposition than ducks, in my opinion, for rearing purposes. [2882] More delicate, possibly, but more remunerative, for one who knows and caters for their little ways, who likes them in a word and is liked by them in return. [2883] Shepherd's pie, said Martha. [2884] I tasted it, from the dish. [2885] And what have you done with yesterday's bird?? I said. [2886] Martha's face took on an expression of triumph. [2887] She was waiting for this question, that was obvious, she was counting on it. [2888] I thought, she said, you ought to eat something hot, before you left. [2889] And who told you I was leaving? I said. [2890] She went to the door, a sure sign she was about to launch a shaft. [2891] She could only be insulting when in flight. [2892] I'm not blind, she said. [2893] She opened the door. [2894] More's the pity, she said. [2895] She closed the door behind her.
[2896] I looked at my son. [2897] He had his mouth open and his eyes closed. [2898] Was it you blabbed on us? I said. [2899] He pretended not to know what I was talking
[p. 32r]
[2899] about. [2900] Did you tell Martha we were leaving? I said. [2901] He said he had not. [2902] And why not? I said. [2903] I didn't see her, he said brazenly. [2904] But she has just been up to your room, I said. [2905] The pie was already made, he said. [2906] At times he was almost worthy of me. [2907] But he was wrong to invoke the pie. [2908] But he was still young and inexperienced and I refrained from humbling him. [2909] Try and tell me, I said, a little more precisely, what it is you feel. [2910] I've a stomach-ache, he said. [2911] A stomach-ache! [2912] Have you a temperature? I said. [2913] I don't know, he said. [2914] Find out, I said. [2915] He was looking more and more stupefied. [2916] Fortunately I rather enjoyed dotting my i's. [2917] Go and get the minute-thermometer, I said, out of the second right-hand drawer of my desk, counting from the top, take your temperature and bring me the thermometer. [2918] I let a few minutes go by and then, without being asked, repeated slowly, word for word, this rather long and difficult sentence, [⁁]which contained no fewer than three or four imperatives. [2919] As he went out, having presumably understood the gist of it, I added jocosely, You know which mouth to put it in? [2920] I was not averse, in conversation with my son, to jests of doubtful taste, in the interests of his education. [2921] Those whose pungency he could not fully savour at the time, and they must have been many, he could reflect on at his leisure or seek in company with his little friends to interpret [⁁]as best they might. [2922] Which was in itself an excellent exercise. [2923] And at the same time I inclined his young mind towards that most fruitful of dispositions, horror of the body and its functions. [2924] But I had turned my phrase badly, mouth was not the word I should have used. [2925] It was while examining the shepherd's pie more narrowly that I had this afterthought. [2926] I lifted the crust with my spoon and looked inside. [2927] I probed it with my fork. [2928] I called Martha and said, His dog wouldn't touch it. [2929] I thought with a smile of my desk which had only six drawers in all and for all, three on each side of the space
[p. 33r]
[2929] where I put my legs. [2930] Since your dinner is uneatable, I said, be good enough to prepare a packet of sandwiches, with the chicken you couldn't finish. [2931] My son came back at last. [2932] That's all the thanks you get for having a minute thermometer. [2933] He handed it to me. [2934] Did you have time to wipe it? I said. [2935] Seeing me squint at the mercury he went to the door and switched on the light. [2936] How remote Youdi was at that instant. [2937] Sometimes in the winter, coming home harassed and weary after a dayof fruitless errands, I would find my slippers warming in front of the fire, the uppers turned to the flame. [2938] He had a temperature. [2939] There's nothing wrong with you, I said. [2940] May I go up? he said. [2941] What for? I said. [2942] To lie down, he said. [2943] Was not this the [⁁]providential hindrance for which I could not be held responsible? [2944] Doubtless, but I [⁁]would never dare invoke it. [2945] I was not going to expose myself to thunderbolts which might be fatal, simply because my son had the gripes. [2946] If he fell seriously ill on the way, it would be another matter. [2947] It was not for nothing I had studied the old testament. [2948] Have you shat, my child, I said gently. [2949] I've tried, he said. [2950] Do you want to, I said. [2951] Yes, he said. [2952] But nothing comes, I said. [2953] No, he said. [2954] A little wind, I said. [2955] Yes, he said. [2956] Suddenly I remembered Father Ambrose's cigar. [2957] I lit it. [2958] We'll see what we can do, I said, getting up. [2959] We went upstairs. [2960] I gave him an enema, with salt water. [2961] He struggled, but not for long. [2962] I withdrew the nozzle. [2963] Try and hold it, I said, don't stay sitting on the pot, lie flat on your stomach. [2964] We were in the bathroom. [2965] He lay down on the tiles, his big fat bottom sticking up. [2966] Let it soak well in, I said. [2967] What a day. [2968] I looked at the ash on my cigar. [2969] It was firm and blue. [2970] I sat down on the edge of the bath. [2971] The porcelain, the mirrors, the chromium, instilled a great peace within me. [2972] At least I suppose it was they. [2973] It wasn't a great peace in any case. [2974] I got up, laid down my cigar and brushed my incisors. [2975] I also brushed the back gums. [2976] I looked at myself,
[p. 34r]
[2976] puffing out my lips which normally recede into my mouth. [2977] What do I look like? I said. [2978] The sight of my moustache, as always, annoyed me. [2979] It wasn't quite right. [2980] It suited me, without a moustache I was inconceivable. [2981] But it ought to have suited me better. [2982] A slight change in the cut would have sufficed. [2983] But what change? [2984] Was there too much of it, not enough? [2985] Now, I said, without ceasing to inspect myself, get back on the pot and strain. [2986] Was it not rather the colour? [2987] A noise as of a waste recalled me to less elevated preoccupations. [2988] He stood up trembling all over. [2989] We bent together over the potwhich at length I took by the handle and tilted from side to side. [2990] A few fibrous shreds floated in the yellow liquid. [2991] How can you hope to shit, I said, when you've nothing in your stomach. [2992] He protested he had had his lunch. [2993] You ate nothing, I said. [2994] He said no more. [2995] I had scored a hit. [2996] You forget we are leaving in an hour or so, I said. [2997] I can't, he said. [2998] So that, I pursued, you will have to eat something. [2999] An acute pain shot through my knee. [3000] What's the matter, papa? he said. [3001] I let myself fall on the stool, pulled up the leg of my trousers and examined my knee, flexing and unflexing it. [3002] Quick the iodex, I said. [3003] You're sitting on it, he said. [3004] I stood up and the leg of my trousers fell down over my ankle. [3005] This inertia of things is enough to drive [⁁]one literally insane. [3006] I let out a bellow which must have been heard by the Elsner sisters. [3007] They stop reading, raise their heads, look at each other, listen. [3008] Nothing more. [3009] Just another cry in the night. [3010] Two old hands, veined, ringed, seek each other, clasp. [3011] I pulled up the leg of my trousers again, rolled it in a fury round my thigh, raised the lid of the stool, took out the iodex and rubbed it [⁁]into my [⁁]knee. [3012] The knee is full of little loose bones. [3013] Let it soak well in, said my son. [3014] He would pay for that later on. [3015] When I had finished I put everything back in place, rolled down the leg of my trousers, sat down on the stool again and listened. [3016] Nothing more. [3017] Unless
[p. 35r]
[3017] you'd like to try a real emetic, I said, as if nothing had happened. [3018] I'm tired, he said. [3019] You go and lie down, I said, I'll bring you something nice and light in bed, you'll have a little sleep and then we'll leave together. [3020] I drew him to me. [3021] What do you say to that? I said. [3022] He said to it, Yes papa. [3023] Did he love me then as much as I loved him? [3024] You could never be sure with that little hypocrite. [3025] Be off with you now, I said, cover yourself up well, I won't be long. [3026] I went down to the kitchen, prepared and set out on my handsome lacquer tray a bowl of hot milk and a slice of bread and jam. [3027] He asked for a report, [3028] he'll get his report. [3029] Martha watched me in silence, lolling in her rocking-chair. [3030] Like a Fate who had run out of thread. [3031] I cleaned up everything after me and turned to the door. [3032] May I go to bed? she said. [3033] She had waited till I was standing up, the laden tray in my hands, to ask me this question. [3034] I went out, set down the tray on the chair at the foot of the stairs and went back to the kitchen. [3035] Have you made the sandwiches? I said. [3036] Meanwhile the milk was getting cold and forming a revolting skin. [3037] She had made them. [3038] I'm going to bed, she said. [3039] Everyone was going to bed. [3040] You will have to get up in an hour or so, I said, to lock up. [3041] It was for her to decide if it was worth while going to bed, under these conditions. [3042] She asked me how long I expected to be away. [3043] Did she realize I was not setting out alone? [3044] I suppose so. [3045] When she went up to tell my son to come down, even if he had told her nothing, she must have noticed the knapsack. [3046] I have no idea, I said. [3047] Then almost in the same breath, seeing her so old, worse than old, aging, so sad and solitary in her everlasting corner, There, there, it won't be long. [3048] And I advised her, in terms for me warm, to have a good rest while I was away[₰] and a good time visiting her friends and receiving them. [3049] Stint neither tea nor sugar, I said, and if by any chance you should happen to need money, apply to Mr Savory. [3050] I carried this sudden cordiality so