MS-HRC-SB-4-3

[0162] in my ^re[⁁]collections, not to be resumed until I recovered my
senses, in this bed. [0163] As to the events that led up to my faint-
ing and to which I can hardly have been oblivious, at the time,
they have left no discernible trace, on my mind. [0164] But who has
not experienced such lapses? [0165] They are common after drunkenness.
[0166] I have often amused mt^yself with trying to invent them, those
same lost events. [0167] But without succeeding in amusing myself really.

[0168] But what is the last thing I remeber ^remember, I could start from there,
before I came to my senses again here? [0168|001] That too is lost. [0169] I was
walking certainly, all my life I have been walking, except the
first few months and since I have been here. [0170] But at the end of
the day I did not know where I had been or what my thoughts had
been. [0171] What then could I be expected to remember, and with what?
[0172] I remember a mood.

[0173] My young days were more varied, such as they
come back to me, in fits and starts. [0174] I did not know my way about
so well then. [0175] I have lived in a kind of coma. [0176] The loss of con-
sciousness for me was never any great loss. [0177] But perhaps I was
stunned with a blow, on the head, in a forest perhaps, yes, now
that I speak of a forest I vaguely remember a forest. [0178] All that
belongs to the past. [0179] Now it is the present I must establish, before
I am avenged. [0180] It is an ordinary room.

[0181] I have little experience of
rooms, but this one seems quite ordinary to me. [0182] The truth is, if
I did not feel myself dying, I could well believe myself dead,
expiating my sins, or in one of heaven's mansions. [0183] But I feel at
last that the sands are running out, which would not be the case
if I were in heaven, or in hell. [0184] Beyond the grave, the sensation
of being beyond the grave was stronger with me six months ago.