MS-UoR-1227-7-12-4

[0019] she survived...and now this stream...not catching the
half of it...what with the buzzing...her own thoughts...
not the quarter...no idea...what she was saying...
imagine!...no idea what she was saying!...[0020]till she began
trying to...persuade herself...it was not hers at all...
not her voice at all...and would no doubt have succeed-
ed...vital she should...was on the point...after long
efforts...

[0021] when gradually she felt...suddenly she felt...
her lips moving...imagine!...her lips moving...as of
course till then she had not...and not alone the lips...
the cheeks...the jaws...the whole face...the tongue in
the mouth...all that agitation without which...no speech

[0021] possible...and yet...in the ordinary way...not felt at
all...so intent one is...on what one is saying...the whole
being ...hanging on its words...so that ^not only
she had...had she...to give up...admit hers alone...her
voice alone

[0022]...but this other awful thought...oh long
after...even more awful if possible...that feeling was
coming back...feeling was coming back!...beginning at
the top...then working down...the whole frame...but no...
the face alone...so far...ha!...so far...

[0023]then thinking...
oh long after...sudden flash...it can't go on...all this...
all that...^steady stream ...straining to hear...make
something of it...and her own thoughts...make something
of them...all - ...
what?...the buzzing?...yes...on top of all the buzzing...
so-called!... ^[A] all that together...imagine!...body like
gone...

[0024]only a face...lips...cheeks...jaws...never still
a second...mouth on fire...stream of words...in her ear...
practically in her ear...not catching the half...not the
quarter...no idea what she's saying...imagine!...no idea
what she's saying! ^[F] [0025]...all that together...trying to hear...
piece it together...and the brain...raving away on its
own...trying to make sense of it^{...make it stop}...

[0026]or in the past...
bringing up the past...flashes from all over...odds and
ends of walks...walking all her days ^[G] ...
old woman already...sitting staring at her hand...in her
lap...palm upward...suddenly saw it wet...^{the palm} tears presum-
ably...hers presumably...no one else for miles...^{no cry...just the tears...}sat and
watched them dry...all over in a second...

[0027]or snatching
at straws...the brain...flickering away on its own...one
^grab and on...on to the next...bad as the voice...worse...
as little sense...all that together...can't - ...what?...
the buzzing?...ye^s... ^{all the time} the buzzing...dull
roar like falls...and the ray...flickering on and off...
starting to move around...like moonbeam but ^clearly not...all
part of the same...keep an eye on that too...corn^er of
the eye can't go on...God is love...she'll be purged...

[0028]back in the field...in the sun...April...sink face down
in the grass...nothing but the larks...so on...snatching
at the straw...trying to hear...the odd word...make some
sense of it...whole body like gone...only the mouth...
gone mad...no stopping it...something she - ...what?...
who?...what?...no...no!...she...^{(pause & movement 3)} something she had to - ...
what?...the buzzing?...yes...all the time the buzzing...
dull roar...in the skull...and the ray...ferreting around..