MS-UoR-1227-7-12-3

[0004] ...birth...into this world...this world...of a tiny
little thing...five pounds ^{[place = supralinear] premature [place = margin left] before her [place = margin left] its time}...in a godfor - ...what?
girl?...yes ^{[place = margin left] all right}...tiny little girl... ^{[place = supralinear] birth} into this...in a
godforsaken hole...in the bog...named - ...what?... ^{[place = inline] what?...}
the downs? godfo the downs?...godforsaken hole in the
downs?...no...no!...the bog...godforsaken hole in the
bog...named...named...forgotten ^{[place = margin left] gone...no matter...}...

[0005]to parents unknown...[⁁] ^{[place = supralinear] unheard of...}
he having vanished into...thin air...no sooner done...
his devilish work ^{[place = supralinear] pulled [place = margin left] buttoned [✓] up his trousers}...and she similarly...nine ^{[place = supralinear] eight} months
later almost t t to the minute...[0006]so no love...such
as normally showered on the...speechless infant...in
the home...no...nor indeed for that matter any of any
kind...at any subsequent...stage...so usual affair...
nothing worthh ^{[place = overwritten] y} of note

[0007]till...coming up to sixty when...
what?...sixty-five?...coming up to sixty-five...walking
in a field...searching aimlessly for cowslips...to make
a ball ^{[place = margin left] ...stop & stare into space}...when suddenly ^{[place = margin left] ...gradually...}all went out...all that early
April morning light...and she found herself u ^{[place = overwritten] i}n the - ...
what?...I? ^{[place = margin left] who?...what?}...no...no ^{[place = overwritten] NO}!...she...found herself in the dark...

[0008]and if not exactly...insentient...insentient...for she
still could hear the buzzing...so-called!...in the ears...
and a ray of light...such as the moon might cast...drift-
ing...in and out of cloud light...came and went...came
and went...such as the moon might cast...drifting...in and
out of cloud...but lessened ^{[place = supralinear] dulled}...sensation ^{[place = supralinear] feeling}...sensation ^{[place = supralinear] feeling} so
lessened ^{[place = supralinear] dulled}...she did not know...what position she was in!... ^{[place = margin left] imagine...what position she was in!...}
whether standing...or sitting...but the brain - ...what?...
lying? ^{[place = margin left] ...yes}...whether standing...or sitting...or lying...

[0009]but
the brain still...in a sense ^{[place = supralinear] way}...for her first thought was...
after some little time to be sure ^{[place = margin left] long after}...her first thought...
^{[place = margin left] sudden flash...}brought up as she had been to believe (laugh) ^{[place = margin left] ... [place = margin left] with the other waifs (laugh)}...in a
merciful (laugh) merciful (laugh)...God (laugh)...[0010]first
thought was... ^{[place = margin left] flash in the dark...}she was being punished...for her sins...
a number ^{[place = supralinear] some} of which then...further proof if proof were need-
ed...flashed through her mind...

[0011]then dismissed as foolish...
this thought dismissed...as she gradually realized...she was
not suffering!... ^{[place = margin left] imagine...not suffering!..}indeed could not remember...when she had
suffered less...unless of course she was...meant to be suf-
fering...thought to be suffereing...just as so often in
her life...when clearly intended ^{[place = supralinear] meant} to be t ^{[place = overwritten] h}aving pleasure...
she was in fact...having ^{[place = supralinear] none...}not the slightest...in which case
of course...that notion of punishment...for some sin or
other...or for no particular reason...for its own sake...
thing she understood perfectly...that notion of punishment..