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[p. 06r(2)] [0180] probably the most pleasing to me. [0181] In a word: no change since I
have been here, here, apparently; disorder of the lights perhaps
an illusion; all change to be feared; incomprehensible uneasiness.
[0182] That I am not e [place = overwritten] so [place = overwritten] tone deaf appears clearly from the sounds [place = supralinear] is shown by the sounds that come to that
reach me. [0183] For though the silence here is almost total [place = supralinear] unbroken, it is not
completely so. [0184] I remember the first sound heard in this place, I
have a [place = overwritten] often heard it since. [0185] For I am on [place = overwritten] bliged to assume a beginning
to my sojourn [place = supralinear] residence here, if only for convenience of the exposition. [place = supralinear] sake of clarity. [0186] Hell itself, [place = supralinear] al[⁁]though eternal, dates from the revolt of Lucifer. [0187] It is therefore permissible, in the light of this distant [place = supralinear] remote analogy,
to think of myself as [place = supralinear] being here for ever, but not as having been here
for ever. [0188] This will greatly help me in my relation. [0189] Memory notably,
which I did not think myself entitled to call [place = supralinear] up[⁁]on [place = supralinear] though I could not draw upon [place = margin left] did not think myself entitled to draw upon, will have its
word to say, if necessary. [0190] This represents at least a thousand words
I was not counting on [place = supralinear] had not reckoned with.[Stet] 
[0191] I may well need [place = supralinear] well be glad of them. [0192] So after a long period
of immaculate silence a feeble cry was heard, by me. [0193] I do not know
if Malone heard it too. [0194] I was surprised, the word is not too strong. [0195] After so long a silence a little cry, stifled forthwith [place = supralinear] outright. [0196] As to determining w [place = overwritten] What kind of x [place = overwritten] creature uttered it and [place = inline] , continues, if it is
the same, to do so, every now and then, impossible.[⁁] [place = supralinear] still does, from time to time? [place = supralinear] There is no knowing. [place = margin left] impossible to say.[⁁] [0197] Not a human [place = supralinear] one
creature in any case, there are no g [place = overwritten] human creatures here, or if there
are they having [place = supralinear] e finished [place = supralinear] done with crying. [0198] Is Malone the guilty one [place = supralinear] culprit. [place = inline] ? [0199] Am I? [0200] Is it not perhaps a simple little fart, they can be rending? [0201] Deplorable mania, when something happens, of wanting to know [place = supralinear] to want inquire what. [0202] If only I were not obliged to manifest. [0203] And why speak of a cry? [0204] It is perhaps something breaking, [place = supralinear] some two things colliding. [0205] There are
sounds here, from time to time, let that suffice. [0206] This one to be
cry to begin with, since it was the first. [0207] And others, rather different. [0208] I am getting to know them. [0209] I do not know them all. [0210] A man may
die at the age of seventy without ever having had the possibility
of seeing Halley's comet.
[0211] It would help me, since to me too I must attribute a beginning,
[p. 07r] if I could relate it situate it in relation [place = supralinear] relate it to that of my abode. [0212] Did I wait somewhere for this place to be ready to receive me? [0213] Or did it wait for me to come and people it? [0214] By far the better
of these hypotheses, from the point of view of usefulness, is
the former, and I shall often have occasion to use it make use [place = supralinear] employ
of it. [0215] But both are distasteful. [0216] I shall say therefore that our
beginnings coincide, that this place was made for me and I for it,
at the same instant. [0217] And the sounds I do not yet know have not
yet made themselves heard. [0218] But they will change nothing. [0219] The cry
changed nothing, even the first time. [0220] And my surprise. [place = inline] ? [0221] I must have
been expecting it.
[0222] It is no doubt time I gac [place = overwritten] ve a companion to Malone. [0223] But first I
shall tell of an incident that has only occurred once, so far. [0224] I await its recurrence without impatience. [0225] Two shapes then, oblong like l [place = overwritten] man, entered into collision before me. [0226] They fell and I
saw them no more. [0227] I naturally thought of the pseudo-couple Mercier-Camier. [0228] The next time they enter the field, moving slowly towards
one [place = supralinear] each another, I shall know they are going to collide, fall and disappear, and perhaps that [place = supralinear] this perhaps will enable me to observe them better. [0229] False [place = supralinear] Wrong. [0230] I continue to see Malone as darkly as the first time. [0231] My
eyes being fixed always in the same direction, I can only see I
shall not say clearly, but as clearly as the visibility permits,
that which takes place directly [place = supralinear] immediately in front of me, that is to say,
in the present case before us, the collision, followed by the fall
and disappearance. [0232] Of their approach I shall never obtain other
than a confused glimpse, out of the corner of the eye, and what an
eye. [0233] For they too must have arrived along a curve, [place = supralinear] two curves, and needless to [place = inline] say
say right up beside [place = supralinear] hard by [place = supralinear] against me. [0234] For the visibility, unless it is the state
of my [place = supralinear] eyesight, does only permits me to see what is right up beside [place = supralinear] hard by [place = supralinear] against
me. [0235] O [place = overwritten] I may add that my seat seems [place = supralinear] wd. seem to be somewhat raised [place = supralinear] elevated, in relation
to the surrounding ground, if ground is what it is. [0236] Perhaps it is
water or some other liquid. [0237] With the result that, in order to obtain the optimum view of what takes place in front of me, I should
lower my eyesa a little. [0238] But I no longer lower my eyes. [0239] In a word
[p. 08r] I only see what appears directy [place = overwritten] ly [place = supralinear] immediately in front of me; [place = overwritten] , [place = supralinear] and I only see what
appears up beside [place = supralinear] hard by me; [place = overwritten] , [place = ] and what I best see I see ill.
[0240] Why did I have myself represented in the midst of men, the light
of day? [0241] It seems to me it was none of my doing. [0242] We won't go into it
now. [0243] I can see them still, my delegates. [0244] The things they have told
me! About men, the light of day. [0245] I refused to believe them. [0246] But some
of it has stuck. [0247] But when, through what channels, did I communicate
with these gentlemen? [0248] Did they intrude on me e [place = overwritten] here? [0249] No, no one has ever
intruded on me here. [0250] Z [place = overwritten] Elsewhere then. [0251] But I have never been elsewhere. [0252] But I [place = overwritten] it can only have been from them [place = supralinear] that I learnt [place = supralinear] what I know about men and
the ways they have of putting up with it. [0253] It does not amount to
much. [0254] I could have dispensed with it. [0255] I do not [place = supralinear] don't say it was all to no
purpose. [0256] I could [place = supralinear] I'll could make use of it, if I had [place = supralinear] have [place = supralinear] had to. [place = margin left] I'll make use of it, if I'm driven to it. [0257] It would not [place = supralinear] won't be the first time. [0258] What ^ [place = overwritten] puzzles me is the thought of being indebted for this
knowledge [place = supralinear] information[↙] [place = margin left] knowledge to persons with whom I can never have communicated [place = supralinear] been in contact. [0259] But
there it is. [0260] Unless the knowledge it is innate knowledge, like that
of good and evil. [0261] That [place = supralinear] This seems unlikely to me. [0262] An i [place = overwritten] Innate knowledge of
my mother, for example, is that [place = supralinear] it conceivable. [place = inline] ? [0263] Not for me. [0264] U [place = overwritten] I heard
about her from them. [0265] She was one of their favoruite subjects [place = supralinear] topics subjects, of conversation. [0266] They also gave me the lowdown on God. [0267] They told me I was
answerable to him, in the last analsy analysis. [0268] They had it on the
reliable authority of his representatives [place = supralinear] agents at Bally I forget what,
this being the place, according to them, where the inestimable gift of life had been forced upon me[⁁] [place = supralinear] been [place = supralinear] rammed down my gullet. [0270] But what they were most anxious for
me to swallow was my fellow creatures. [0271] In this they were without pity [place = supralinear] mercy. [0272] I remember nothing about these conversations [place = supralinear] lectures. [0273] I can have I cannot
have understood a great deal. [0274] But I seem to have retained some descriptions, in spite of myself. [0275] They lectured me on gave me lectures [place = supralinear] courses
on love, on intelligence, most useful, most useful. [0277] They also taught
me how to count, how to reason. [0278] Some of this stuff [place = supralinear] rubbish has [place = supralinear] occasionally come in handy,
I don't deny it handy on occacions [place = supralinear] on occasions, I don't deny it, on occasions
which would never have arisen if they had left me alone [place = supralinear] in peace. [0279] I use it
still, to scratch myself with. [0280] Low types they were [place = supralinear] must have been, they [place = supralinear] ir pockets full
[p. 09r] of venom [place = supralinear] poisons and caustic [place = supralinear] antidotes. [0281] Perhaps these courses were by correspondence. [0282] And yet I seem to know their faces. [0283] From photographs perhaps. [0284] When
did all this claptrap [place = supralinear] nonsense stop? [0285] And has it stopped? [0286] A few last questions. [0287] Is it just a lull? [0288] There were four or five of them, mauling [place = supralinear] at
me, [place = overwritten] . t [place = overwritten] They called that presenting their report. [0289] One in particular,
Basil I thing [place = overwritten] k he was called, filled me with loathing [place = supralinear] hatred. [0290] Without
opening his mouth, fixing [place = supralinear] fastening on me his eyes spent [place = supralinear] like cinders with all their seeing, he changed me a little more each time into what he wanted me
y [place = overwritten] to be. [0291] Is he still staring [place = supralinear] glaring at me, from the shadows? [0292] Is he still
usur^ [place = overwritten] ping my name, they one they saddled on me, me with, [place = supralinear] out there in their
world, patiently, from season to season? [0293] No, no, here I am safe, [place = supralinear] in safety,
amusing myself wondering who can have inflicted[⁁] [place = supralinear] upon me [place = supralinear] dealt me these insignificant [place = supralinear] pointless [place = infralinear] insignificant
wounds.
[0294] The other advances full upon me. [0295] He emerges as from heavy hangings, advances a few steps, looks at me, then backs away. [0296] He is
stooped and seems to be dragging in his hands [place = supralinear] invisible burdens I cannot
see. [0297] What I see best is his hat. [0298] The top crown is all worn away,
like the sole of an old boot, and a few grey[⁁] [place = supralinear] giving vent to a few stray grey hairs straggle through. [0299] He raises his eyes and I feel the long imploring gaze, as if I
could do something for him. [0300] Another impression, eu [place = overwritten] qa [place = overwritten] ually false no
doubt: he brings me presents and dare not give them. [0301] He takes them
away again, or else he d [place = overwritten] lets them fall, and they disappear [place = supralinear] vanish. [0302] He does
not come often, I cannot be more precise, but regularly assurr [place = overwritten] edly. [0303] His visit has never coincided, up till [place = supralinear] to now, with the passing of
transit of Malone. [0304] But perhaps some day it will. [0305] That would not
necessarily be a violation of the order reigning [place = supralinear] prevailing here. [0306] For if I
am in a position to calculate [place = supralinear] can work out to within a few inches the orbit of
Malone, assuming perhaps erroneously that he passes before me at
a distance of three feet, with regard to the other's itinerary [place = supralinear] career — course I
am in the dark. For I am incapable not only of calculating time
measuring time, which in itself is sufficient to vitiate [place = supralinear] preclude all computation, [place = supralinear] calculation in this connexion, but also of comparing their respective
velocities. DOODLE 3 [0307] So I cannot tell if I shall ever be [place = supralinear] so fortunate enough [place = supralinear] as
[p. 10r] to see [place = supralinear] the 2 of them [place = supralinear] both together. [0308] But I am inclined to think I shall. [0309] For if I were nec [place = overwritten] ver to see [place = supralinear] the two of them both together, then it
would follow, or should follow, that between their respective
appearances the interval does not vary. [0310] No, I am wrong. [0311] For
the interval may [place = supralinear] [⁁] well vary considerably, and it seems to me it does,
without ever being abolished. [0312] Nevertheless I am inclib [place = overwritten] ned to
think, because of this erratic [place = supralinear] irregular interval, that my two visitors
will meet some day[⁁] [place = supralinear] may some day meet before my eyes, collide and perhaps knock each other down. [0313] I have said that here all things recur sooner or later, no, I
was going to say it, then I thought better of it. [0314] But is it
not possible that this does not apply to encu [place = overwritten] ounters? [0315] The only enc
encounter I ever witnessed, a long time ago now, has not yet
been repeated? reapeated. [0316] It was perhaps the end of something. [0317] And i [place = overwritten] I shall perhaps be rid of [place = supralinear] delivered from Malone and the other, not that
they distu [place = supralinear] rb me, the day I see [place = supralinear] the 2 of them bl [place = overwritten] oth together, ha that is to
say in collision. [0318] Unfortunately they are not the only disturbers o
of my peace. [0319] Others come towrads me, pass before me, wheel an [place = overwritten] bout
me. [0320] And [place = supralinear] no doubt others still, whom I have not yet seen. [place = supralinear] as yet invisible so far. [0321] I repeat they do
not disturb me. [0322] But in the long run it might become wearisome. [0323] I don't see how. [0324] But the possibility must be taken into account. [0325] One st [place = inline] arts things moving without a thought of how to stop
them. [0326] In order to speak. [0327] One starts to speak as if it were
possible to stop at will. [0328] It is better so. [0329] The search for the
means to put an end to things, an end to speech, is what enables
the discourse to continue. [0330] No, I must not try and [place = supralinear] to think, [0331] simply
state. [0332] Method or no method I shall have to banish them in any [place = supralinear] the end,
case, the things, shapes, sounds and lights with which my haste
to speak has encumbered this pla
[p. 11r] to speak has encumbered this place.
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