[p. 116r][2014] by the Bank of England. [2015] But as Macmann continued vehemently to demand his things, as if he did not understand a word of what she had just told him, she was obliged to invoke the regulations which tolerated on no account that an inmate should resume contact with the trappings of his derelict days until such time as he might be discharged. [2016] But as Macmann continued passionately to clamour for his things, and notably for his hat, she left him, saying he was not reasonable. [2017] And she came back a little later, holding with the tips of her fingers the hat in question, retrieved perhaps from the rubbish-heap at the end of the vegetable-garden, for to know everything takes too long, for it was fringed with manure and seemed to be rotting away. [2018] And what is more she suffered him to put it on, and even helped him to do so, helping him sit up in the bed and arranging his pillows in such a way that he might remain propped up without fatigue. [2019] And she contemplated with tenderness the old bewildered face relaxing, and in its tod of hair the mouth trying to smile, and the little red eyes turning timidly towards her as if in gratitude or rolling towards the recovered hat, and the hands raised to set it on more firmly and returning to rest trembling on the blanket. [2020] And at last a long look passed between them and Moll's lips puffed and parted in a dreadful smile, which made Macmann's eyes waver like those of an animal glared on by its master and compelled them finally to look away. [2021] End of anecdote. [2022] This must be the selfsame hat that was abandoned in the middle of the plain, its resemblance to it is so great, allowance being made for the additional wear and tear. [2023] Can it be then it is not the same Macmann
[p. 117r][2023] at all, after all, in spite of the great resemblance (for those who know the power of the passing years), both physical and otherwise. [2024] It is true the Macmanns are legion in the island and pride themselves, what is more, with few exceptions, on having one and all, in the last analysis, sprung from the same illustrious ball. [2025] It is therefore inevitable they should resemble one another, now and then, to the point of being confused even in the minds of those who wish them well and would like nothing better than to tell between them. [2026] [₰] No matter, any old remains of flesh and spirit do, there is no sense in stalking people. [2027] So long as it is what is called a living being you can't go wrong, you have the guilty one. [2028] For a long time he did not stir from his bed, not knowing if he could walk, or even stand, and fearing to run foul of the authorities, if he could. [2029] Let us then first consider this first phase of Macmann's stay in the House of Saint John of God. [2030] We shall then pass on to the second, and even to the third, if necessary.
[2031] A thousand little things to report, very strange, in view of my situation, if I interpret them correctly. [2032] But my notes have a curious tendency, as I realize at last, to annihilate all they purport to record. [2033] So I hasten to turn aside from this extraordinary heat, to mention only it, which has seized on certain parts of my economy, I will not specify which. [2035] And to think I was
[p. 118r][2035] expecting rather to grow cold, if anything!
[2036] This first phase, that of the bed, was characterized by the evolution of the relationship between Macmann and his keeper. [2037] There sprang up gradually between them a kind of intimacy which, at a given moment, led them to lie together and copulate as best they could. [2038] For given their age and scant experience of carnal love, it was only natural they should not succeed, at the first shot, [⁁]in giving each other the impression they were made for each other. [2039] The spectacle was then offered of Macmann trying to bundle his sex into his partner's like a pillow into a pillow-slip, folding it in two and stuffing it in with his fingers. [2040] But far from losing heart they warmed to their work. And though both completely impotent they finally succeeded, summoning to their aid all the resources of the skin, the mucus and the imagination, in striking from their dry and feeble clips a kind of sombre gratification. [2041] So that Moll exclaimed, being (at that stage) the more expansive of the two, Oh would we had but met sixty years ago! [2042] But on the long road to this what flutterings, alarms and bashful fumblings, of which only this, that they gave Macmann some insight into the meaning of the expression, Two is company. [2043] He then made unquestionable progress in the use of the spoken word and learnt in a short time to let fall, at the right time, the yesses, noes, mores and enoughs that keep love alive. [2044] It was also the occasion of his penetrating into the enchanted world of reading, thanks to the inflammatory letters which Moll brought
[p. 119r][2044] and put into his hands. [2045] And the memories of school are so tenacious, for those who have been there, that he was soon able to dispense with the explanations of his correspondent and understand all unaided, holding the sheet of paper as far from his eyes as his arms permitted. [2046] While he read Moll held a little aloof, with downcast eyes, saying to herself, Now he's at the part where, and a little later, Now he's at the part where, and so remained until the rustle of the sheet going back into the envelope announced that he had finished. [2047] Then she turned eagerly towards him, in time to see him raise the letter to his lips or press it against his heart, another reminiscence of the fourth form. [2048] Then he gave it back to her and she put it under his pillow with the others there already, arranged in chronological order and tied together by a favour. [2049] These letters did not much vary in form and tenor, which greatly facilitated matters for Macmann. [2050] Example. [2051] Sweetheart, Not one day goes by that I do not give thanks to God, on my bended knees, for having found you, before I die. [2052] For we shall soon die, you and I, that is obvious. [2053] That it may be at the same moment exactly is all I ask. [2054] In any case I have the key of the medicine cupboard. [2055] But let us profit first by this superb sundown, after the long day of storm. [2056] Are you not of this opinion? [2057] Sweetheart! [2058] Ah would we had met but seventy years ago! [2059] No, all is for the best, we shall not have time to grow to loath each other, to see our youth slip by, to recall with nausea the ancient rapture, to seek in the company of third parties, you on the one hand, I on the other, that which together we can no longer achieve, in a word to get to know each other. [2060] One must look things in the face,
[p. 120r][2060] must one not, sweet pet? [2061] When you hold me in your arms, and I you in mine, it naturally does not amount to much, compared to the transports of youth, and even middle age. [2062] But all is relative, let us bear that in mind, stags and hinds have their needs and we have ours. [2063] It is even astonishing that you manage so well, I can hardly get over it, what a chaste and sober life you must have led. [2064] I too, you must have noticed it. [2065] Consider moreover that the flesh is not the end-all and the be-all, especially at our age, and name me the lovers who can do with their eyes what we can do with ours, which will soon have seen all there is for them to see and have often great difficulty in remaining open, and with their tenderness, without the help of passion, what by this means alone we realize daily, when separated by our respective obligations. [2066] Consider furthermore, since there is nothing more for us to hide, that I was never beautiful or well-proportioned, but ugly and even misshapen, to judge by the testimonies I have received. [2067] Papa notably used to say that people would run a mile from me, I have not forgotten the expression. [2068] And you, sweet, even when you were of an age to quicken the pulse of beauty, did you exhibit the other requisites? [2069] I doubt it. [2070] But with the passing of the years we have become scarcely less hideous than even our best favoured contemporaries and you, in particular, have kept your hair. [2071] And thanks to our having never served, never understood, we are not without freshness and innocence, it seems to me. [2072] Moral, for us at last it is the season of love, let us make the most of it, there are pears that only ripen in December. [2073] Do not fret about our methods, leave all that to me, and I warrant you we'll