MS-HRC-SB-5-4

[0017] ... realized ... words were coming ... words were coming! ... a voice she did not recognize ... at first ... so long since it had sounded [0018] ... then finally had to admit ... could be none other ... than her own ... certain vowel sounds ... she had never heard ... elsewhere ... so that people would stare ... the rare occasions ... once or twice a year ... [0018] always winter some strange reason ... stare at her uncomprehending ... and now this stream ... steady stream ... she who had never ... on the contrary ... practically speechless ... all her days ... how she survived! [0019]... even shopping ... [0019] busy shopping centre ... supermart ... just handed in the list ... with the bag ... old black shopping bag ... then stood there waiting ... any length of time ... middle of the throng ... motionless ... staring into space ... mouth half open as usual ... till it was back in her hand ... the bag back in her hand ... then pay and go ... not as much as goodbye ... how she survived! ... and now this stream ... not catching the half of it ... not the quarter ... no [0019] idea ... what she was saying ... imagine! ... no idea what she was saying! ... [0020] till she began trying to ... delude herself ... it was not hers at all ... not her voice at all ... and would have no doubt ... vital she should ... was on the point ... after long efforts ... [0021] when suddenly she felt ... gradually the felt ... her lips moving ... imagine! ... her lips [0021] moving! ... as of course till then she had not ... and not alone the lips ... the cheeks ... the jaws ... the whole face ... all those - ... what? ... the tongue? ... yes ... the tongue in the mouth ... all those contortions without which ... no speech possible ... and yet ... in the ordinary way ... not felt at all ... so intent one is ... on what one is [0021] saying ... the whole being ... hanging on its words ... so that not only she had ... had she ... not only had she ... to give up ... admit hers alone ... her voice alone [0022] ... but this other awful thought ... sudden flash ... oh long after! ... even more awful if possible ... that feeling was coming back ... feeling was coming back! ... starting at the top ... then [0022] working down ... the whole machine ... but no ... spared that ... the mouth alone ... so far ... ha! ... so far ... [0023] then thinking ... oh long after! ... sudden flash ... it can't go on ... all this ... all that ... steady stream ... straining to hear ... make something of it ... and her own thoughts ... make something of them ... all - ... What? ... the buzzing?

[0023] ... yes ... all the time the buzzing ... so-called!... all that together ... imagine! ... whole body like gone ... [0024] just the mouth ... lips ... cheeks ... jaws ... never - ... what? ... tongue? ... yes ... lips ... cheeks ... jaws ... tongue ... never still a second ... mouth on fire ... stream of words ... in her ear ... practically in her ear ... not [0024] catching the half ... not the quarter ... no idea what she's saying ... imagine! ... no idea what she's saying! ... and can't stop ... no stopping it ... she who but a moment before ... a moment! ... she couldn't make a sound ... no sound of any kind ... now can't stop ... imagine! ... can't stop the stream ... [0025] the whole brain begging ... something begging in the brain ... begging the mouth to [0025] stop ... pause a moment ... if only for a moment ... and no response ... as if it hadn't heard ... or couldn't ... couldn't pause a second ... like maddened ... all that together ... straining to hear ... piece it together... and the brain ... raving away on its own ... trying to make sense of it ... make it stop ... [0026] or in the past ... dragging up the past ... [0026] flashes from all over ... walks mostly ... walking all her days... day after day ... a few steps then stop dead ... stare into space ... move on a few more ... stop and stare again ... drifting around ... day after day ... then that time she cried ... the one time she could remember ... since she was a baby ... must have cried as a baby ... [0026] perhaps not ... not essential to life ... just the birth cry to get her going ... breathing ... then no more till this ... old hag already ... where was it? ... Croker's Acres ... one evening on the way home ... home! ... a little mound in Croker's Acres ... dusk ... sitting staring at her hand ... there in her lap ... palm upward ... suddenly saw it wet ... the [0026] palm ... tears presumably ... hers presumably ... no one else for miles ... no sound ... just the tears ... sat and watched them dry ... all over in a second ... [0027] or grabbing at the straw ... the brain ... flickering away on its own ... quick grab and on ... nothing there ... on to the next ... bad as the voice ... worse ... as little sense ... all that together [0027] ... can't - ... what? ... the buzzing? ... yes ... all the time the buzzing ... dull roar like falls ... and the beam ... flickering on and off ... starting to move around ... like moonbeam but not ... all part of the same ... keep an eye on that too ... corner of the eve ... all that together ... can't go

[0027] on ... God is love ... she'll be purged ... [0028] back in the field ... morning sun ... April ... sink face down in the grass ... nothing but the larks ... so on ... grabbing at the straw ... straining to hear ... the odd word ... make some sense of it ... whole body like gone ... just the mouth ... like maddened ... and can't stop ... no stopping it ... [0028] something she - ... something she had to ... what? ... who? ...what? ... no ... no! ... SHE! ... (pause and movement 3) ... something she had to - ... what? ... the buzzing? ... yes ... all the time the buzzing ... dull roar ... in the skull ... and the beam ... ferreting around ... painless ... so far ... ha! ... so far ... [0029] than thinking ... [0029] another thought ... oh long after ... sudden flash ... perhaps something she had to ... had to ... tell could that be it? ... something she had to tell ... tiny little thing ... before its time ... no love ... spared that ... speechless all her days ... practically speechless ... how she survived! ... that time in court ... what had she to say for herself ... [0029] guilty or not guilty ... stand up, woman ... speak up, woman ... stood there staring into space ... mouth half open as usual ... waiting to be led away ... glad of the hand on her arm ... now this ... something she had to tell ... could that be it? ... something that would tell ... how it was ... how she - ... what? ... had been? ... yes ... something that would tell how it had been ... how she [0029] lived ... lived on and on ... guilty or not ... to be sixty ... something she - ... what? ... seventy? ... good God! ... on and on to be seventy ... something she didn't know herself ... wouldn't know if she heard ... then forgiven ... God is love ... tender mercies ... new every morning ... [0030] back in the field ... April morning ... face in the grass ... [0030] nothing but the larks ... pick it up there ... get on with it from there ... another few - ... what? ... not that? ... nothing to do with that? ... nothing she could tell? ... all right ... nothing she could tell ... try something else ... think of something else ... oh long after! ... sudden flash ... not that either ... all right ... something else again ... so on ... hit on it in the end ... think everything keep [0030] on long enough ... [0031] then back in the - ... what? ... not that either? ... nothing to do with that? nothing she could think? ... all right ... nothing she could tell ... nothing she could think ... nothing she - ... what? ... who? ... what? ... no ... no! ... SHE! ... (pause and movement 4) ... tiny little thing ...

[0031] out before its time ... godforsaken hole ... no love ... spared that ... speechless all her days ... practically speechless ... even to herself ... never out loud ... [0032] but not completely ... sometimes sudden urge ... once or twice a year ... always winter some strange reason ... the long evenings ... hours of darkness ... sudden urge to ... to tell [0032] ... then rush out and stop the first she saw ... [0033] nearest lavatory ... start pouring it out ... steady stream ... mad stuff ... half the vowels wrong ... no one could follow ... till she saw the stare she was getting ... then die of shame ... crawl back in ... once or twice a year ... always winter some strange reason ... long hours of darkness ... now [0033] this ... this ... quicker and quicker ... the words ... the brain ... flickering away like mad ... quick grab and on ... nothing there ... on somewhere else ... try somewhere else ... [0034] all the time something begging ... something in her begging ... begging it all to stop ... unanswered ... prayer unanswered ... or unheard ... too faint ... so on ... keep on [0034] trying ... not knowing what ... what she was trying ... what to try ... whole body like gone ... just the mouth ... like maddened ... soon ... keep - ... what? ... the buzzing? ... yes ... all the time the buzzing ... dull roar like falls ... in the skull ... and the beam ... poking around ... painless ... so far ... ha! ... so far ... all that ... keep on ... [0034] not knowing what ... what she was - ... what? ... who? ... what? ... no ... no! ... SHE! ... (pause) ... what she was trying ... what to try ... no Matter ... keep on ... [0035] (curtain starts down) ... hit on it in the end ... then back ... God is love ... tender mercies ... new every morning ... back in the field ... face in the grass ... April morning ... face in the grass ... nothing but the larks ... pick it up -