[2134] But the question is not there, for the moment,
[p. 98r] no one knows where it is, but it's not there, for the time
being. [2135] Yes, there's great fun to be got from an eye, it weeps
for the least little thing, a yes, a no, the yesses make it
weep, the noes too, the perhapses particularly, with the result
that the grounds for these staggering pronouncements do
not always receive the attention they deserve. [2136] Mahood too, I
mean Worm, Worm too, no, Mahood, Mahood too is a great weeper,
in case it hasn't been mentioned, [2137] his beard is soaking with the stuff,
it's completely ridiculous, especially as it doesn't relieve him
in the least, what could it possibly relieve him of, the poor
brute is as cold as a fish, incapable even of cursing his
creator, it's purely mechanical. [2138] But it's time Mahood was forgotten, he should never have been mentioned. [2139] No doubt. [2140] But is
it possible to forget him? [2141] It is true one forgets everything. [2142] And yet it is greatly to be feared that Mahood will
never let himself be completely resorbed. [2143] Worm yes, Wormm 
will
disappear completely, as if he had never been, which indeed is
very probably the case, as if one could ever disappear completely without having been at some previous stage. [2144] That's soon
said. [2145] But Mahood too for that matter. [2146] It's not clear,
tut tut, it's not clear at all. [2147] No matter. Mahood will stay where
he was put, stuck up to his skull in his vase, opposite the
shambles, beseeching the passers-by, without a word, or a gesture,
or any play of features, they don't play, to
perceive him ostensibly, concomitantly with the day's dish, or independently, for reasons unknown, perhaps in the hope of being proven
in the swim, that is to say guaranteed to sink, sooner or later,
that must be it, such notions may be entertained, without any
process of thought. [2148] I myself am exceptionally given to the tear,
I would have preferred this kept dark, in their position
I would have omitted this detail, the truth being I have no
exutory at my disposal, but literally none, neither the aforementioned
nor those less noble, how can one enjoy good health under such
conditions, and what is one to believe, that is not the point, [2153] 
[p. 100r] believe I've piped up before they've done with me. [2154] The master
in any case, we don't intend, listen to them hedging
, we don't intend, unless absolutely driven to it,
to make the mistake of inquiring into him, he'd turn out to
be a mere high official, we'd end up by needing God,
[↓] and though admittedly we have lost all sense of decency there still are certain depths we prefer not to sink to. [2155] Let us keep to the family circle,
it's more intimate, we know one another by now, no surprises
to be feared, the will has been opened, nothing for anybody. [2156] This eye, curious how this eye invites inspection, demands
sympathy, solicits attention, implores assistance, to do what,
it's not clear, to stop weeping, have a quick look round, goggle
an instant and close forever. [2157] It's it you see and it alone,
in this face, it's from it you set out to look for a face, to
it you return having found nothing, nothing worth while, nothing
but a kind of ashen smear, perhaps it's long grey hair, hanging
in a tangle round the mouth, greasy with ancient tears, or the
fringe of a mantle spread like a veil,
or fingers opening and closing to try and shut out the world,
or all together, fingers, hair and rags, mingled inextricably. [2158] Suppositions all equally inane, it's enough to enounce them to
regret having spoken, familiar torment, a different past, it's
often to be wished, different from yours,
when you find out what it was. [2159] He is hairless and naked and his hands, laid flat on his knees once
and for all, are in no danger of getting into mischief. [2160] And the face? [2161] Balls, all balls, I don't believe in the
eye either, , there's nothing here, nothing to see, nothing to see with
blessed coincidence, when you think what it would
be, a world without [⁁] spectator, and vice versa, brrr! [2162] No spectator
then, and better still no spectacle, good riddance. [2163] If this noise
could stop there'd be nothing more to say. [2164] I wonder what the all the chat
is about at the moment. [2165] Worm presumably. [2166] Mahood being abandoned. [2167] And I await my turn. [2168] Yes, I do not despair, all things considered,
of drawing their attention to my case, some fine day. [2169] Not that it
[p. 101r] offers the least interest, hey, something wrong there, not
that it is particularly interesting, I'll accept that, but
it's my turn, I too have the right to be shown impossible. [2170] This will never end, there's no point in [⁁] fooling oneself, yes
it will, they'll [⁁] come round to it, after me it will be the end, they'll give
up, saying, It's all a bubble, we've been told a lot
of lies, he's been told a lot of lies, who he, the master, by
whom, no one knows, the eternal third party, he 's the one to blame
for this state of affairs, the master's not to blame,
neither are they, neither am I, least of all I, we were foolish
to accuse one another, the master me, them, himself, they me,
the master, themselves, I them, the master myself, we are all
innocent, enough. [2171] Innocent of what, no one knows , of
wanting to know, wanting to be able, of all this noise about
nothing, of this long offence against the silence that enfolds
us all, we won't ask any more, what it covers, this innocence
we have fallen to, it covers everything, all faults, all questions, it puts an end to questions. [2172] Then it will be over, thanks
to me it will be all over, they'll depart, one by one, or they'll
drop, they'll let themselves drop, where they stand, and never
move again, thanks to me, who could understand nothing, of all
they deemed it their duty to tell [⁁] me, do nothing, of all they deemed
it their duty to tell me to do, and upon us all the silence will
fall again, and settle, like dust of sand, on the arena, after
the massacres. [2173] Bewitching prospect if there ever was one, they
are beginning to come round to my opinion, after all it's possible
I have one, they make me say, If onyl this, of only that, but
the idea is theirs, no, the idea is not theirs either. [2174] As far as
I personally am concerned there is every likelihood of my being
incapable of desiring or deploring anything whatsoever. [2175] For it
would seem difficult for someone, if I may so describe myself,
to aspire towards a situation of which, notwithstanding the
enthusiastic descriptions lavished on him, he has not the remotest idea, or to desire with a straight face the cessation of
that other, equally unintelligible, assigned to him in the begin-
[p. 102r] beginning and never modified. [2176] This silence they are always
talking about, from which supposedly he came, to which he
will return when his act is over, he doesn't know what it is,
nor what he is meant to do, in order to deserve it. [2177] That's the
bright boy of the class speaking now, he's the one always called to the rescue when things go badly, he talks all the
time of merit and situations, he has saved morethan one,
of suffering too, he knows how to stimulate the flagging
spirit, stop the rot, with the simple use of this mighty
word alone, even if he has to add, a moment later, when the danger
is past, But what suffering, since he has always suffered,
which rather damps the rejoicings. [2178] But he soon
makes up for it, he puts all to rights again, invoking the
celebrated notions of quantity, habit-formation, wear [⁁] and tear, and
others too numerous for him to mention, and which he is thus
in a position, in the the next belch, to decalre inapplicable to the
case before him, for there is no end to his wit.
[2179] But, see above, have they not already bent over me
till black and blue in the face, nay, have they ever done anything else,
during the past — no, no dates for pity's sake, and
anotehr question, what am I doing in Mahood's story, and in
Worm's, or rather what are they doing in mine, there are some
irons in the fire [⁁] to be going on with, let them melt. DOODLE 14 [2180.1] Oh I know, I know, attention please, this may mean
something, I know, there's nothing new there, it's
all part of the same old irresistible boloney,
namely, But my dear man, come, be reasonable, look, this
is you, look at this photograph, and here's your
file, no convictions, I assure you, come now, make an effort,
at your age, to have no identity, it's a scandal,
I assure you, look at this photograph, what, you see nothing,
true for you, no matter, here, look at this death's-head, you'll
see, you'll be all right, it won't last long, here, look, here's
the record, insults to policemen, indecent exposure, sins
against holy ghost, contempt of court, impertinence to superiors,
impudence to inferiors, deviations from reason, without
[p. 103r] battery, look, no battery, it's nothing, you'll be all right,
you'll see, I beg your pardon, does he work, good God no, out
of the question, [2180.2] look, here's the mediacl report, spasmodic tabes,
painless ulcers (gommes), I repeat, painless, all is painless,
multiple softenings, numerous hardenings, insensitive to blows,
sight failing, chronic indigestion, light diet, shit well tolerated, hearing failing, heart irregular, sweet-tempered, smell
failing, soun d sleeper, no erections, would you like some more,
commission in the territorials, inoperable, untransportable, look,
here's the face, no no, the other end, I assure you, it's a
bargain, I beg your pardon, does he drink, good God yes, passionately, I beg your pardon, father and mother, both dead, at seven
months interval, he at the [/]conception, she at the nativity, I
assure you, you won't do better, at your age, to have no human
shape, the pity of it, look, here's the photograph, you'll see,
you'll be all right, what does it amount to, after all, a painful moment, on the surface, then peace, underneath, it's the only
way, take my word, the only way out, I beg your pardon, have I
nothing else, why certainly, certainly, just a second, I was
wondering myself, just a second, if you were not rather, just a
second, here we are, this one here, but I wanted to make sure,
what, you don't understand, neither do I, no matter, it's no time
for levity, yes, I was right, no doubt this time, it's you all over, [2180.3] look,
here's the photograph, have a look at that, he's dying on his feet,
you'd better hurry, it's a bargain, and so on, so on, till I'm
tempted, no, all lies, they know it well, I never understood,
I haven't stirred, I'm all right, I'll be all right, when they
depart, I haven't stirred, all I've said, said I've done, said
I've been, it's they who said it, I've said nothing, I haven't
stirred, they don't understand, I can't stir, they think I don't
want to, that their conditions don't suit me, that they'll hit
on others, in the end, to my liking, then I'll stir, they'll
have put me in their pocket, off the cushion, that's how I see
it, no, I see nothing, they don't ubderstand , I can't go towards
[p. 104r] them, they'll have to come and get me, if they want me,
Mahood won't get me out, nor Worm either, they set
great hopes on Worm, to coax me out, he was something new, different from all
the others, meant to be, perhaps he was, for me they're all the same,
they don't understand, I can't stir, I'm all right here, I'd be
all right, if they'd leave me, let them come and get me, if they
want me, they'll find nothing, then they can depart, with an
esay mind.