[p. 96r]
[1636] thought he had done as any man of good will would have done in his place and with very much the same results, in spite of his lack of experience.
[1637] And yet when it came to doing some little thing for himself, as for example when he had to repair or replace one of his buttons or pegs, which were not long-lived being mostly of green woord wood and exposed to all the rigours of the temperate zone, then he really exhibited a certain dexterity, without the help of any other apparatus than his bare hands.
[1638] And indeed he had devoted to these little tasks a great part of his existence, that is 
is to say of the half or quarter of his existence associated with more or less coordinated movements of the body.
[1639] For he had, had to, he had to, if he wished to go on coming and going on the earth, which to tell the truth he did not, particularly, but he had to, for obscure reasons known who knows to God alone, though to tell the truth God does not seem to need reasons for doing what he does, and for omitting to do what he omits to do, to the same degree as his creatures, [1640] does he?
[1641] Such then seemed to be Macmann, seen f from a certain angle, incapabele of weeding a bed of pansies or marigolds and leaving one standing and at the same time well able to consolidate his boots with willow bark and thongs of wicker, so that he might come and go on the earthf and go on the earth from time to time and not wound himself too sorely on the stones, thorns and broken glass provided by the carelessness or wickedness of man, with hardly a complaint, for he had to.
[1642] For he was incapable of picking his steps and choosing where to put fdown his feet (which would have permitted him to go barefoot).
[1643] And even had behe he
[p. 97r]
[1643] been so he would have been so to no great purpose, so little was he mwmaster of his movements.
[1644] And what is the good of aiming at the smooth and mossy places when the foot, missing its mark, c comes down on the flints and shards or sinks up to tjhe knee in the cowpads?
[1645] But to pass on now to considerations of another order, it is perhaps not inappropriate to wish Macmann, since wishing costs nothing, sooner or later a general paralysis sparing at a pinch the arms if that is conceivable, in a place impermeable as far as possible to wind, rain, sound, cold, great
heat (as in the seventh century) and daylight, with one or two eiderdowns just in case and a charitable soul say once a week bearing eating-apples and sardines in oil for the purpose of postponing as long as possible the fatal hour, it would be wonderful.
[1646] But in the meantime in the end, the rain still falling with unavbated violence in spite of his having turned over on his back, Macmann grew restless, flinging himself from side to side as though in a fit of the fever, buttoning himself and unbuttoning and finally rolling over and over in the same direction, it little matters which, with a brief pause after each roll to begin with, and then without break.
[1647] And in theory his hat should have followed him, seeing it was tied to his coat, and the string twisted itself about his neck, but not at all, for theory is one thing and reality another, and the hat remained where it was, I mean in its place, like a thing forsaken.
[1648] But perhaps one day a high wind would come and send it, dry and light again, spinning and bounding over the plain until it came to the town, or the ocean, but not necessarily.
[1649] Now this was
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[1649] not hthe first time that Macmann rolled upon the ground, but he had always done so without ulterior locomotibve motive.
[1650] Whereas then, as he moved further and further from the place where the rain had caught him far from shelter and which thanks to the hat continued to contrast with the surrounding space, he realized he was advancing with regularity and even a certain rapidity, along the arc of a gigantic circle probably, for he assumed that one of his extremities was heavier than the other, without knowing quite which, but not by much.
[1651] And as he rolled he conceived and polished the plan of continuing to roll on all night if necessary, or at least until his strength should fail him, and thus approach the confines of this plain which to tell the truth he was in no hurry to leave, but nevertheless was leaving, he knew it.
[1652] And without reducing his speed he began to dream of a flat land where he would never have to rise again and hold himself erect in equilibrium, foirst on the right foot for example, then on the left, and where he might come and go and so survive after the fashion of a great cylinder endowed with the faculties of cognition and volition.
[1653] And without exactly building castles in Spain, for that
[1654] Quick quick my possessions.
[1655] Quiet, quiet, twice, I have time, lots of time, as usual.
[1656] My pencil, my two pencils, the one of which nothing remains but the le between my huge fingers but the lead fallen from the wood and the other, long and round, in the bed somewhere, I was holding it in reserve, I won't look for it, I know it's there somewhere, if I have time when I've finish
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[1656] ed I'll look for it, if I don't find it I won't have it, I'll make the correction, with the other, if anything remains of it.
[1657] Quiet, quiet.
[1658] My exercise-book, I don't see it, but I feel it in my left hand, I don't know where it comes from, I didn't have it when I came here, but I feel it is mine.
[1659] That's the style, as if I were sweet and seventy.
[1660] In theat case the bed would be mine too, and the little table, the dish, the pots, the cupboard, the blankets.
[1661] No, nothing of all that is mine.
[1662] But the exercise-book is mine, I can't explain.
[1663] The two pencils then, the exercise-book and then the stick, which I did not have either when I came here, but which I consider mine., [1664] I must have described it long ago.
[1665] I am quiet, I have time, but I shall describe as little as possible.
[1666] It is with me in the bed, under the blankets, there was a time I used to rub myself against it, saying, It's a little woman.
[1667] But it is so long that it sticks out under the pillow and finishes far beghind me.
[1668] I continue from memory.
[1669] It is black dark.
[1670] I can hardly see the window.
[1671] It must be letting in the night again.
[1672] Even if I had time to rummage in my possessions, to bring them over to the bed one by one or tangled together as is often the way with forsaken things, I would not see anything.
[1673] And perhaps indeed I have the time, let us assume I have the time, and proceed as if I had not.
[1674] But it cannot be so long since I checked and went through all my things,,[₰] in the light, in anticipation of this hour.
[1675] But since then I must have forgotten it all.
[1677] A needle stuck into two corks to prevent it from sticking into me, for if the point pricks less than the eye, no, that's wrong, for if the point pricks more than the eye, the eye pricks too, that's wrong too.
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[1677] eye, the eye pricks too, that's wrong too.
[1678] Round the shank, between the two corks, a wisp of black thread clings.
[1679] It is a pretty little object, like a - no, it is like nothing.
[1680] The bowl of my pipe, though I never used a tobacco-pipe.
[1681] I must have found it somewhere, on the ground, when out walking.
[1682] There it was, in the grass, thrown away because it could no longer serve, the stem having broken off (I suddenly remember that) just short of the bowl.
[1683] This pipe could have been repaired, but he must have said, Bah, I'll buy myself another.
[1684] But all I found was the bowl.
[1685] But all that is mere supposition.
[1686] Perhaps I thought it pretty, or felt for it that foul feeling of pity I have so often felt in the presence of things, especially little portable things in wood and stone, and which made me wish to have them about me and keep them always, so that I picke stooped and picked them up and put them in my pocket, often with tears, for I wept:to wept up to a great age, never having really evolved in the matter fields of affection and passion, in spite of my experiences.
[1687] And but for the company of these little objects which I picked up here and there, when out walking, and which sometimes gave me the impression that they too needed me, I might have been reduced to the society of nivce people or to the consolations of some religion or other, but I think not.
[1688] And I loved, I remember, as I walked along, with my hands deep in my pockets, for I am trying to speak of the time when I could still walk without a stick and a fortiori without crutches, I lobved to finger and caress the hard shapely objects that were there, in my deep pockets, it was my way of talking to them and reassuring them.
[1689] And I loved to fall asleep