[1296] At no moment do I know of what I am talking [⁁] about, nor of Wwhom, nor
[p. 58r] of where, nor of when, nor how, nor why, but I could need fifty
victims wretches for this sinister operation and still be short of a fifty-first, to close the circuit, that I know, without knowing what it
means. [1297] The essential is never to arrive anywhere, never to be
anywhere, neither where Mahood is, nor where Worm is, nor where I
am, it little matters thanks to what dispensation. [1298] The essential
is to go on squirming to the end at the end of the line, as long
as there are waters, banks and ravening in heaven a sproting sporting God
to plague his creature, per pro his chosen elected chosen shits. [1299] I've swallowed
three hooks and am still hungrry 
. [1300] Hence the howls. [1301] What a joy to
to know where one is, and where one will stay, without being there. [1302]
Nothing to do but stretch out comfortably on the rack, in the
blissful knowledge you are nobody for all eternity. [1303] A pity I should
be obliged have to give tongue at the same time, it prevents it from
bleeding in peace, licking the lips. [1304] Well I suppose one can't have
everything, so late in the proceedings. [1305] They'll surely bring me to
the surface one day or another and all then sink their differences
and agree it was not worth while going to so much trouble for such
a paltry kill, for such paltry killers. [1306] What silence then! [1307] And now a little visit to my sweet Worm, let's see how Worm is getting on, the cur will appreciate it. just to please the bastard. [1308] I'll
soon see know if the other is still after me. [1309] But even if he isn't nothing
will come of it, he won't get [⁁] catch [⁁] me, I won't be delivered from him, I
speakno speak of mean Worm, I swear it, the other, never got caught me, I was
never delivered from him them him, it's past history, up to the present. [1310] I am he who will never be got caught, never be delivered, who crawls between the thwarts, towards the new day that promises to be glorious,
festooned with lifebelts, praying for shipwreck rack and ruin. [1311] The third line
falls plumb from the skies, it's for my soul her majesty my soul, [1312] I'd have ghooked her on it long ago if I knew where she was to find her. [1313] That
brings us up to four, gathered together. [1314] I knew it, there'd there could be
a hundred of us and we'd still need the hundred and first, [1315] we'll
always be short of me. [1316] Worm, I nearly said Watt, Worm, what can
I say of Worm, who hasn't the wit to make himself plain., [1317] Wwhat can I
say to stillt this gnawing of termites in my Punch and Judy? box, [1318] 
[p. 59r] Wwhat that mihght not just as well be said of the other? [1319] Perhaps
it's by trying to be Worm that I'll finally succeed in being Mahood,
I hadn't thought of that. [1320] Then all I'll have to do is be Worm. [1321] Which no doubt I shall acheiveieve in by trying to be Jones. [1322] Then all
I'll have to do is be Jones. [1323] Stop, perhaps he'll spare me that,
have compassion and let me stop there. [1324] The dawn will not be lalways rosy. [1325]
Worm, Worm, , just it's between the three of us now, and come what may [⁁] the devil take the hindmost. [1326] It
seems to me besides that I must have already made, contrary to
what it seems to, me I must have already said, some efforts in this
direction. [1327] I should have noted them, if only in my head. [1328] But Worm
cannot note. [1329] There at least is a first affiramtion , I mean negation,
on which to built . [1330] Worm cannot note. [1331] Can Mahood note? [1332] That's it,
weave, weave. [1333] Yes, it is the characteristic,of Worm, am among
others, of Worm to note, even if he does not always succeed [⁁] in doing so,
certain things, perhaps I should say all things, so as to turn
them to accoutnt, for his governance. [1334] And indeed we have seen him
do so, in hthe yard, in his jar, in a sense. [1335] I knew I only had
to try and talk of Worm to begin talking of Mahood, with more
felicity and understanding than ever. [1336] How close to me he suddenly
seems, squinting up at the medals of the hippophagist Ducroix. [1337] It is the hour of the apéritif, already people halt, to read the
menu. [1338] Charming hour of the day, particular[⁁]ly when, as sometimes
happens, it is also that of the setting sun whose last rays,
raking the street from end to end, lend to my monument an interminable shadow, astraddle of the gutter and the sidewalk. [1339] There
was a time I used to contemplate it, when I was freer than now to
turn my head than I am now, since they put on my I was put in the collar. [1340] Then I
knew that there, far from me, mty head was lying and people treading
on it, and on my flies, which went on gliding none the less,
prettily on the ground. [1341] And I saw the people coming towards [⁁] me, all
along my shadow, followed by long faithful trembling shadows. [1342] For
sometimes I confuse myself with my shadow, and sometimes don't. [1343]
And sometimes I don't confuse myself with my jar, and sometimes do. [1344] It all depends what mood we're in. [1345] And often I went [/]on looking,
without flinching, until, ceasing to be, I ceased to see. [1346] Delicious
[p. 60r] instant truly, coinciding from time to time, as already observed,
with that of the apéritif. [1347] But this joy, which for my part I should
have thought harmless, and without danger for the public, is something I have had to go without, since I was put in my collar. For
now my my the collar holds my face turned towards the railings, for
for it is impor a just above the menu, for it is important that
the prospective customer should be able to compose his meal without the risk of being run over. [1348] The meat, in this quarter, has
a high reputation, and people come from a distance, from great
distances, on purpose to eat it. [1349] Which having done they hurry away. [1350] By ten o'clock in the evning all is silent, as the grave, as the
saying is. [1351] This is the fruit of my obeservations accumulated over
a long period of yearsa and constantly subjected to a process of
induction. [1352] Here all is killing and eating. [1353] This is evening there
is tripe. [1354] It's a winter dish, or a late autumn one. [1355] Soon Marguerite will come and light me up. [1356] She is late?. [1357] Already more
than one passer-by has flashed his lighter under my nose the
better to decipher what I shall now describe, for the sake of
elegance elegant variation, as the bill of fare. [1358] Please God nothing has happened to
my benefactress. [1359] I shall not see her coming, I shall not hear her
steps, because of the snow. [1360] I spent lall morning under my cover. [1361]
When the first frosts come she makes me a nest of rags, well tucked
in all round me, to protect me from chills. [1362] It's downy snug. [1363] I wonder
will she powder my skull this evening, with her big puff,. [1364] iIt's
her latest invention. [1365] She's always trying to think of something
new;, to relieve me. [1366] She would like my pustules to sy stop oozing! [1367] If only the earth cwould quake. [1368] The shambles would swallow me up. [1369] Through the railings, at the end of a clearing vista between two blocks
of buildings, the sky appears to me. [1370] A hat bar moves obver and shuts
it off, whenever I wish. [1372] If I could raise my head I should 'd see it
streaming into the main of the firmament. [1373] What is there to add, to
these particulars? [1374] The evening is only beginning, I know that,
don't let us go just yet, not yet say goodbye once for more for
ever, to this heap of rubbish. [1375] What about trying to cogitate,
[p. 61r] while waiting for something intelligible to occur take place. [1376] Just this
once. [1377] Almost immediately a thought presents itself, I should
really concentrate more often. [1378] Quick let me record it before it
vanishes. [1379] How is it that the people do not notice of me? [1380] I seem to
exist for none byut Madeleine. [1381] That a passer-by pressed for time,
in full flight or giving chase, should have no ideas eyes for me,
that I can conceive. [1382] But the loungers idlers come to hear the cattle's
bellows of pain and who, obviosusly killing time, pace up and down
while wiaiting for the butchery slaughter to begin? [1383] The hungry compelled by
the position of the menu, and whether they like it or not, to
posyt themselves literally face to face with me, in the full blast
of my breath? [1384] The children hastening towards t going towards their
playgrounds beyond the gates and coming back, all out for a bxit of
fun? [1385] It seems to me that even a human head, recently washed and
with a few hairs on top, should be quite a popular curiosity in the
position occupied by mine. [1386] Can it be out of doiscretion, and a reluctance to hurt, that they affect to be unaware of my existence? [1387] But that is a refinement of feeling which can hardly be attributed
to the dogs athat come pissing against my doubt abode, apparently never
dp doubting that it contains some flesh and bones. [1388] It follows therefore that I have no smell either. [1389] And yet if anyone should have a
smell, it is I. [1390] How,under these conditions, can Mahood expect me to
behave normally? [1391] The flies vouch for me, if you like, but how far? [1392] Would they not settle with equal appetite on a lump of cowshit? [1393] No, as long as this point is not cleared up to my satisfaction,
or as long as I am not distinguished by some sense organs other than
Madeleine's, it will be impossible for me to believe, sufficiently
to continue pursue my act, the things that are told about me. [1394] I should
further remark, with regard to this testimony which I consider indispensable, that soon I shall be in no fit condition to receive it,
so greatly have my faculties declined, in recent times. [1395] It is
obvious we have here a principle of change pregnant with possibilities. [1396] But say I succeed in dying, to take the best hypothesis,
without having been able to believe I ever lived, I know to my cost
[p. 62r] it is not that they wish for me. [1397] For it has happened to me many
times already, without their having granted me as much as a brief
sick leave, among the worms, before resurrecting me. [1398] But who knows,
this time, what the future holds in store. [1399] That qua sentient and
thinking being I should be deteriorating at headlong speed going downhill fast is in
any case an excellent thing. [1400] Perhaps some day some gentleman,
happening chancing to pass my way with his sweet heart on his arm, at the
precise moment when my last is favouring me with a final taste of
the flight of time, will exclaim, loud enough for me to hear, Oh
I say, this man is ailing, we must call an ambulance. [1401] Thus at with a
single stroke stone, when all seemed in vain lost, the two longedf for rare
birds. [1402] I shall be dead, but I shall have lived. [1403] Unless one is to
suppose him victim of a hallucination. [1404] Yes, to dispel all doubt
his betrothed would need to say, You are right, my love, he looks
as if he were going to throw up. [1405] Then I'd know for certain, [1406] and with
giving up the ghost be born at last, to the sound perhaps of one
of those hiccups which mar alas too often the somlenmnity of the last trépas
moments passing.. [1407] When Mahood I once knew a doctor who held that scientifically speaking the latest
breath could only issue from the fundament and that this [⁁] therefore, rather than
the mouth, was the orifice to which the family should present the mirror,
before opening th will the will. [1408] However this may be, and without
dwelling further on these macabre details, it is certain I was
grievously mistaken in supposing that death in itself could be
regarded as evidence, or even a strong presumption, in favour of
a preliminary life. [1409] And I for my part have no longer the least
desire to leave this world, in which they keep trying to foist me,
with[⁁]out some kind ofnassurance that I was really there, sucha as a
kick in the arse for example, or a kiss, the nature of the attention
is of little importance, provided I cannot be suspected of being
its author. [1410] No, not the least desire, for I know it serves no purpose, changes nothing, puts an end to nothing. [1411] But let two third
parties remark me, there, nbefore my eyes, and I'll take care of
the rest. [1412] How all becomes clear and simple when one opens an eye
[p. 63r] on the within, , having after having of course previously exposed
it to the without, in order to benefit by the contrast.