[p. 131r]
[2254] then mixture of Macmann and agony as long as possible.
[2255] It does not depend on me, my lead s [place = overwritten] is not inexhaustible, nor my exercise-book, nor Macmann, nor myself in spite of appearances.
[2256] That all may be wiped out at the same instant is all I ask, for the moment.
[2260] The visitor. The visit.
[2261] I felt a violent blow on the head.
[2262] He had perhaps been there for some time.
[2263] One does not care to be kept waiting for ever, one draws attention to oneself as best one can, it's human.
[2264] I don't doubt he gave me due warning, before he hit me.
[2265] I don't know what he wanted.
[2266] He's gone now.
[2267] What an idea, all the same, to hit me on the head.
[2268] The light has been queer ever since, oh I insinuate nothing, dim and at the same time radiant, perhaps I have concussion.
[2269] His mouth opened, his lips worked, but I heard nothing.
[2270] He might just as well have said nothing.
[2271] And yet I am not deaf; [place = margin left] , witness the aeroplane, if I hear nothing it is because there is nothing to hear.
[2272] But perhaps life has dulled my irritability to specifically human sounds.
[2273] I myself for example make no sound, well well, can't go back on it now, no, not the tiniest.
[2274] And yet I pant, cough, moan and gulp right up against l [place = overwritten] my ear, I could swear to it.
[2275] In other words I don [place = supralinear] do not know [place = margin left] to what I owe the honour to [place = margin left] [₰].
[2276] He seemed vexed.
[2277] Must I describe him?
[2278] Why not?
[2279] He may be important.
[2280] I had a clear view of him.
[2281] Black suit of antiquated cut, or perhaps come back into the fashion, black tie, snow-white shirt, heavily starched clown's cug [place = overwritten] ffs almost entirely covering the hands, oily black hair, a long, dismal, glabrous, floury face, sombre lacklustre eyes, medium height and build, block-hat pressed delicately to stomach with finger-tips, then without warning in a gesture of extraordinary suddenness and precision slapped on skull.
[p. 132r]
[2282] A folding-rule, together with a wisp [place = supralinear] triangle [place = supralinear] fin of white handkerchief, emerged from the breast pocket.
[2283] I took him at first for the undertaker's man, annoyed at having called prematurely.
[2284] He remained some time, seven hours at least.
[2285] Perhaps he hoped to have the satisfaction of seeing me expire before he left, that would probably have savec [place = overwritten] d him time and trouble.
[2286] For a moment I thought he was going to finish me off.
[2288] What a bhope What a hope, it would have been a crime.
[2289] He must have left at six o'clock, his working day ended.
[2290] The light is queer ever since.
[2291] That is to say he went a first time, came back some hours later, then left for good.
[2292] He must have been here from nine to twelve, then from two to six, now I have it.
[2293] He kept looking at his watch, a turnip.
[2294] Perhaps he will come back to-morrow.
[2295] It was in the morning he hit me, about ten o'clock probably.
[2296] In the afternoon he did not touch me, though I did not see him immediately, he was already in position when I saw him, standing beside the bed.
[2297] I speak of morning and afternoon and of such and such an hour, if you simply must speak of people you simply must put yourself in their place, it is not difficult.
[2298] The only thing you must never speak of is your happiness, I can think of nothing else for the moment.
[2299] Better even not to think of it.
[2300] Standing by the bed he watched me.
[2301] Seeing my lips move; move, for I tried to speak, he stooped down to me.
[2302] I had things to ask him, to give me my stick for example.
[2303] He would have refused.
[2304] Then with clasped hands and tears in my eyes I would have begged it of him as a favour.
[2305] This humiliation has been denied to me thanks to my aphony.
[2306] My voice has gone dead , [place = supralinear] dead, the rest will follow.
[2307] I could have written, on a page of my exercise-book, and shown to him, Please give me back
[p. 133r]
[2307] my stick, [2308] or, Be so kind as to han d me up my stick.
[2309] But I had hidden the exercise-book under the blanket, so that he might not take it from me.
[2310] I did so without thinking that he had been there for some time (otherwise he would not have struck me) watching me writing, for I must have been writing when he came, and that consequently he could easily have taken my exercise-book if he had wished, and without thinking either that he was watching me when I slipped it out of sight, and that consequently the only effect of my precaution was to draw his attention to the very object I wished to hide from him.
[2311] Thet [place = margin left] re's reasoning for you.
[2312] For of all I ever had in this world all has been taken from me, except the exercise-book, so I cherish it, it's human.
[2313] The lead too, I was forgetting the lead, but what is a lead, without paper?
[2314] He must have said to himself, as he ate [place = margin left] over his lunch, This afternoon I'll take his exercise-book from him, he seems to cherish it.
[2315] But when he c came back from his lunch the exercise-book was no longer in the place where he had seen me put it, he had not thought of that.
[2316] His umbrella, have I mentioned his umbrella, [2317] the tightest rolled I ever saw?
[2318] Shifting it every few minutes from one hand to the other he leaned his weight upon it, standing beside the bed.
[2319] Then it bent.
[2320] He made use of it to raise my blankets.
[2321] It was with this umbrella that I thought he was going to kill me, with its long sharp point, he had only to plunge it in my heart.
[2322] Wilful murder, people would have said.
[2323] Perhaps he will come back to-morrow, better equipped, or with an assistant, now that he is familiar with the premises.
[2324] But if he watched me I too watched him, [2325] I thik we gazed at each other literally
[p. 134r]
[2325] think we gazed at each other literally for hours, without winking.
[2326] He probably imagined he could stare me down, because I am old and helpless.
[2327] The poor bastard.
[2328] It was so long since I had seen a biped of this description that I had my eyes out on stalks, as the saying is, for fear of not being able to credit them.
[2329] I said to myself, One f [place = overwritten] of these days they'll start grazing the trees.
[2330] And the face they have!
[2331] I had forgotten.
[2332] At a certain moment, incommoded by the smell probably, he squeezed himself in between the bed and the wall, to try and open the window.
[2333] He couldn't.
[2334] In the morning I didn't take my eyes off him.
[2335] But in the afternoon I slept a little.
[2336] I don't know what he did while I was asleep, rummaged in my possessions probably, [place = supralinear] with his umbrella, they are scattered all over the floor now.
[2337] I thought for a moment he had been sent by the funeral people.
[2338] Those who have enabled me to live till now will no doubt see to it that I am buried with a minimum of ceremp [place = margin left] ony.
[2339] Here lies Malone at last, with the dates to give a faint idea of the time he took to be absolved [place = margin left] excused and then to distinguish him from his namesakes, numerous in the island and beyond the grave.
[2340] Funny I never ran into one, to my knowledge, not one.
[2341] There is still time.
[2342] Here lies a ne'er-do-well, six feet under hell.
[2343] But for a moment only, I mean half-an-hour at most.
[2344] Then I tried him with other functions, all equally disappointing.
[2345] Strange need to know who people are and how what they do for a living and what they want with you.
[2346] In spite of the ease with which he wore his black and manipulated his umbrella and his consummate mastery of the block-hat, I had for a time the impression he was disguised; disguised, but from what if I may say so, and as what?
[2347] At a given moment, yet another, he took fright, for his breath came faster and
[p. 135r]
[2347] he moved away from the bed.
[2348] It was then I saw he was wearing brown boots, which gave me such a shock as no words can convey.
[2349] They were copiously casked [place = supralinear] caked with fresh mud and I said to myself, Through what sloughs has he had to toil to reach me?
[2350] I wonder if he was looking for something in particular, it would be so nice to know.
[2351] I shall tear a page out of my exercise-book and reproduce upon [place = margin left] it, from memory, what follows, and show it to him to-morrow, or to-day, or some other day, if he ever comes back.
[2352] 1. Who are u [place = overwritten] you?
[2353] 2. What do you do, for a living?
[2355] 3. Are you looking for something in particular? 4. particular? [2356] What else?
[2357] 4. Why are you so cross?
[2358] 5. Have I offended you?
[2359] 6. Do you know anything about me?
[2360] 7. It was wrong of you to strike me.
[2361] 8. Give me my stick.
[2362] 9. Are you your own employer?
[2363] 10. If not who sends you?
[2364] 11. Put back my things where you found them.
[2365] 12. Why has my soup been stopped?
[2366] 13. For what reason are my pots no longer emptied?
[2367] 14. Do you think I shall last much longer?
[2368] 15. May I ask you a favour?
[2369] 16. Your conditions are mine.
[2370] 17. Why brown boots and whence the mud?
[2371] 18. You couldn't by any chance let me have the butt of a pencil?
[2372] 19. Number your answers.
[2373] 20. Don't go, I haven't finished.
[2374] Will one page suffice?
[2375] There cannot be many left.
[2376] I might as well ask for a rubber while I am about it.
[2377] 21. Could you lend me an India rubber?
[2378] When he had gone I said to myself, But surely I have seen him somewhere before.
[2379] And the people I have seen have seen me too, I can guarantee that.
[2380] But of whom may it not be said, I know that man?
[2381] Drivel, drivel.
[2382] And then at evening morning is so far away.