Samuel Beckett
Digital Manuscript Project
L'Innommable / The Unnamable

MS-HRC-SB-5-10

MS. Pages: 1pp. 01r - 06r 2pp. 06r(2) - 10r 3pp. 11r - 15r 4pp. 16r - 20r 5pp. 21r - 25r 6pp. 26r - 30r 7pp. 31r - 35r 8pp. 36r - 40r 9pp. 41r - EXTRACT1-01r 10pp. EXTRACT1-02r - EXTRACT1-06r 11pp. 48r - 52r 12pp. 53r - 57r 13pp. 58r - 62r 14pp. 63r - 67r 15pp. 68r - 72r 16pp. 73r - 77r 17pp. 78r - 82r 18pp. 83r - 87r 19pp. 88r - 92r 20pp. 93r - 97r 21pp. 98r - 103r 22pp. 104r - 108r 23pp. 109r - 113r 24pp. 114r - 118r 25pp. 119r - 123r 26pp. 124r - 128r 27pp. EXTRACT2-01r - 133r 28pp. 134r - 138r 29pp. 139r - 143r 30pp. 144r - 146r

[1158] I could describe it, I could have, a moment ago, as if I had been there, in the form they chose for me, dilminished certainly, not the man I was, not much longer for this world, but the eyes still open[p. 53r] to impressions, and one ear, sufficiently, and the head sufficiently obedient, to provide me with at least a vague idea of the elements to be removed from the setting, for all to be empty and silent. [1159] It was always the way. [1160] Just at the [/]moment when the world is assembled at last, and it begins to dawn on me how I can leave [] it, all fades and disappears. [1161] I shall hnever see this place again, where my jar stands on its pedestal, with its garland [/]of many-coloured lanterns, and me inside it, I could not cling to it. [1162] Perhaps they will have me struck with lightning, for a change, or poleaxed, one merry xak bank-holiday evening, then bundled in my shrouhd and whisked away, out of signt and mind. [1163] Or they will have me removed alive, for a change, cleared away, and deposited for a change, shifted and depositied deposited elsewhere, all a xxx xxx chance at all [/ ]hazards. [1164] And on my next appearance, if ever I appear again, all will be new, new and strange. [1165] But little by little I'll get used to it, with their help, used to the scene, used to me, and little by little the old problem will raise its horrid head, how to live, with their kind of life, for a single second, young or old, without help or guidance a helping hand. [1166] And being thus reminded of other attempts, in other circumstances, I shall start asking myself questions, helped byx them, prompted by them, like those I have just been asking, concerning them me, and them, and these sufdden changes of time and age, and how to succeed at last where I had always failed, so that they may be pleased, and perhaps leave me in peace at last, and free to do what I have to do, namely try and please the other, if that is what I have to to do, so that he may be pleased, and leave me in peace, and give me quittance, and the right to rest, and to silence, if that is in his gift. [1167] It's a lot to expect from one creature, it's a lot to ask, that he should first behave as if he was were not, then as if he was were, before being admitted to thtat peace where he neither is, nor is not, and where the language dies that permits of such expressions. [1168] Two falsehoods, two trappings, to suffer to the end, before I can be let loose, alone, in the unthinkable unspeakable, where I have not ceased to be, where they[p. 54r] will not let me be. [1169] It will perhaps be less restful than I appear to think, alone there at last, and never importuned. [1170] No matter, rest is one of their words, think is another. [1171] But here at least, it seems to me, is food for delirium. [1172] What a shame if I should pitch on something, and never notice it, another candle throw its little light, and I none the wiser. [1173] Yes, I feel the moment has come to look back, if I can, and take my bearings, if I am to continue go on. [1174] If only I knew what I had have said. [1175] Bah, I need not no need to worry, it can only have been one thing, the same as ever. [1176] I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them. [1177] I have only to go on, as if there was something to be done, something begun, somewhere to go. [1178] It all boils down to a question of words, I must not forget it, this, I have not forgotten it. [1179] [] But I must have said this before, since I say it noiw. [1180] I have to speak in a certain way, with warmth perhaps, everything is possible, first of the creature I am not, as if I were he, and then, as if I were he, of the creature I am. [1181] Before I can etc. [1182] It's a question of voices, of voices to keep going, in the right manner, when they stop, on purpose, to put me to the test, as now the one whose burden is roughly to the effect that I am alive. [1183] Warmth, ease;, conviction, the right manner, as if it were my own voice, pronouncing my own words, words pronouncing me alive, since that's the way they want me to be, I don't know whhy, with their billions of quick, their trillions of dead, that's not enough for them, I too must contribute my little convulsion, mewl, howl, gasp and rattle, loving my neighbour and blessed with reason. [1184] But what is the right manner, I don't know. [1185] It is they who dictate this torrent of balls, they who stuffed me full of these groans that choke me. [1186] And out it all pours, unchanged, I have only to belch to be sure of hearing them, the same old sour teachings txhat I can't change a titltle of. [1187] A parrot, that's what they're up against, a parrot. [1188] If they had told me what I have to say, in order to meet with their approval, I'd be bound to say it, sooner or later. [1190] But God forbid, it'd that would be too easy, my heart wouldn't be in it, I have to puke my heart out too, spew it up whole along with the rest of the vomit,[p. 55r] it's then at last I'll look as if I mean what I'm saying, it won't be just idle words. [1191] Well, don't give up hope, keep your mouth open and your stomacjh turned, perhaps you'll come out with it one of these days. [1192] But the other voice, of him who does not share this pass ion for the animal kingdom, who is waiting to hear from me, what is its burden? [1193] Nice point, too nice for me. [1194] For on the subject of myself properly so called, I know what I mean, so fair as I know I have received no information up to date. [1195] May one speak of a voice, in these conditions? [1196] Probably not. [1197] And yet I do. [1198] The fact is that all this business about voices requires to be revised, corrected and then abandoned. [1199] Hearing nothing I am none the less the victim of a prey to ciummiunications . [1200] And I speak of voices! After all, why not, so long as one knows it is it's untrue. [1201] But there are limits, it appears. [1202] xLet them come. [1203] So nothing about me. [1204] That is to say no connectexd statement. [1205] Faint calls, at long intervals. [1206] Hear me! [1207] Be yourself again! [1208] Someone has therefore something to say to me. [1209] But not the least news concerning me, beyond the insinuation that I cam not in a condition to be given receive any, since I am not there, which I knew already. [1210] I have naturally remarked, in a moment of exceptional receptivity, that these exhortations are conveyed to me by the same channel as that used by Mahood and Co for their transports. [1211] That's suspicious, [1212] or rather would be if I still hoped to obtain, from these revelations to come, some truth of more value than those with which I have been plastered ever since they took it into their heads that I had better exist. [1213] But this fond hope, which buoyed me up as recently as a moment ago, if I remember right, has now fpast from me. [1214] Two labours then, to be distinguished perhaps, as the mine from the quarry, on the plane of the effort required, but identically deficient in charm and interest. [1215] I. [1216] Who's that? [1217] The galley-slave, sweeping towards bound for the Pillars of Hercules, who drops his oar under cover of night and crawls between the thwarts, towards the rising sun, unseen by the guard, praying for storm. [1218] Except that I've stopped praying for it anything. [1219] No, no, I am still a suppliant. [1220] I'll get over it, between now[p. 56r] and the last voyage, on this leaden sea. [1221] It's like the other madness, the mad wish to know, remember, one's transgression. [1222] I won't be caught at that again, [1223] I'll leave it to this year's the new-fledged damned. [1224] And now let us think no more about it, think no more about anything, think no more. [1225] On the one hand they xxare many, on the other he is alone, he solicits me alone. [1226] They spealk the same langauage language, the only one they taught me. [1227] They told me there were others, [1228] I don't regret ,not knowing them. [1229] The moment the silence is broken, in this way, tit can only mean one thing. [1230] Orders, prayers, threats, praise, reproach, reasons. [1231] Praise, yes, I have been was given they gave me to understand that I was making progress. [1232] Well done, sonny, that will be all for today, go run along now back into your dark and see you tomorrow. [1233] There I am, with my white beard, sitting among the children, babbling, cringing from the ferule. [1234] I'll die in the lower third, bowed down with years and impositions, four foot tall again, like when I had a future, barelegged in my old black pinafore, wetiting my drawers. [1235] Pupil Mahood, for the twenty-five thousandth time, what is a mammal? [1236] .And I'll fall down dead, worn out by the rudiments. [1237] But I'll have made progress, they told me so, only not enough, not enough. [1238] Anh! [1239] Where was I, in my lessons? [1241] That is what has had a fatal effect on my development, my lack of memory. [1242] Undoubted- No question ly. No doubt of it. [1243] Pupil Mahood, repeat after me, Man is a higher mammal. [1244] I couldn't. [1245] Always talking about mammals, in this menagerie. [1246] Frankly, between ourselves, what the hell could it matter to pupile Maghood, that man was this rather than that? [1247] Presumably nothing has been lost in any case, since here it all comes slobbering out again, released let loose by the nightmare. [1249] I'm in for an orfgy I'll have my bellyful of mammals, I can see that from here, before I wake. [1250] Quick, give me a mother and let me suck her white, pinching my tits. [1251] But it's time I gave this solitary a name, [1252] nothing doing without proper names. [1253] I shall therefore cakll him Worm. [1254] It was high time. [1255] Worm. [1256] I don't like it, but I haven't much choice. [1257] It will be my name too, when the time comes, when I needn't be called Mahood any more, if that happy time ever comes. [1258] Before Mahhod there were others like him, of the same breed and creed,[p. 57r] armed with the same prong. [1259] But Worm is the first of his kind. [1260] That's an easy thing to say soon said. [1261] I must not forget that I don't jknow him. [1262] HPerhaps he too will weary, renounce the task of forming me and make way for another, having laid the foundations [] done the dirty work paved the way. [1263] He has not yet been able to make himself heard. speak out his mind, [1264] He murmurs only murmurs, I have not ceased to hear his murmur, all the time while the others discoursed. [1265] He has survived them all, Mahood too, if Mahood is dead. [1266] I can hear him still yet, faithful, begging me to still this dead tongue of the living. [1267] I imagine that is what he says, to judge by the in his unchanging tone. [1268] If I could be silent I should would better understand what he wants of me, wants me to be, wants me to say. [1269] Why doesn't he thunder it at me and get it over? [1270] Too easy, it is I who must be silent, hold my breath. [1271] But I cannot can't have understood. [1272] For if Mahhod were silent, Worm would be silent too. [1273] That the impossible should be asked of me, good, what else could be asked of me? [1274] But the absurd! [1275] Of me they whom they have reduced to reason. [1276] It is true poor Worm has no part ofr share in this. [1277] That is an easy thing's soon said. to say. [1278] But let me complete my views, before I shit upon them. [1279] For if I am Mahhood, I am Worm too. [1280] Plof. [1281] Or if I am not yet Worm, I shall be when I cease to be Mahood. [1282] Pof. Plof. [1283] On now to serious matters. [1284] No, not yet. [1285] Another tale of Mother Mahood pxerhaps, to perfect my stupefaction (besotment). [1286] No, not worth the trouble, it will come at its appointed hour, the record is in position from time immemorial all eternity. [1287] Yes, the big words must out too, all be taken as it comes. [1288] The problem of liberty stoo, as sure as fate, will come up for my consideration at the preestablished moment. [1289] But perhaps I have been too hasty in opposing these two fomenters of fiasco. [1290] Is it not the fault of one that I cannot b e be the other.? [1291] Accomplices therefore. [1292] That's the way to reason, warmly. [1293] Or is one to suppose a tertius gaudens, meaning myself, responsible for this double failure? [1294] Shall I come upon my true countenance at last, bathing wreathed in a smile? [1295] I have the feeling I shall be spared this spectacle. [1296] At no moment do I know of what I am talking [] about, nor of Wwhom, nor[p. 58r] of where, nor of when, nor how, nor why, but I could need fifty victims wretches for this sinister operation and still be short of a fifty-first, to close the circuit, that I know, without knowing what it means.

MS. Pages: 1pp. 01r - 06r 2pp. 06r(2) - 10r 3pp. 11r - 15r 4pp. 16r - 20r 5pp. 21r - 25r 6pp. 26r - 30r 7pp. 31r - 35r 8pp. 36r - 40r 9pp. 41r - EXTRACT1-01r 10pp. EXTRACT1-02r - EXTRACT1-06r 11pp. 48r - 52r 12pp. 53r - 57r 13pp. 58r - 62r 14pp. 63r - 67r 15pp. 68r - 72r 16pp. 73r - 77r 17pp. 78r - 82r 18pp. 83r - 87r 19pp. 88r - 92r 20pp. 93r - 97r 21pp. 98r - 103r 22pp. 104r - 108r 23pp. 109r - 113r 24pp. 114r - 118r 25pp. 119r - 123r 26pp. 124r - 128r 27pp. EXTRACT2-01r - 133r 28pp. 134r - 138r 29pp. 139r - 143r 30pp. 144r - 146r