[p. 101r]
[1689] holding in my hand a stone, a horse chestnut of a fir-apple or a cone, and I would be still holding it when I woke, my fingers closed over it, in spite of sleep which makes a rag of the body, so that it may rest.
[1690] And those of which I ea [place = overwritten] wearied, or which were ousted by new loves, I threw awau [place = overwritten] y, that is to say I cast round for a place to lay them where they would be at peace forever, and no on [place = margin left] e ever find them short of an extraordinary hazard, and such places are few and far between, and I laid them there.
[1691] Or I buried them, or threw them into the sea, with all my strength as far as possible from the land, those I knew for certain would not float, even briefly.
[1692] But many a wooden friend too I have sent to the bottom, weighted with a stone.
[1693] Until I realized that was wrong of me.
[1694] For when the string is rotted they will rise to the surface, if they have not already done so, and return to the land, sooner or later.
[1695] In this was [place = margin left] y I disposed of things I loved but could no longer keep, because of new loves.
[1696] And ofe [place = overwritten] ten I missed them.
[1697] But I had hidden them so well that even I could never find them again.
[1698] That's the style, as if I still had time to kill.
[1699] And so I have, deep down I know it well.
[1700] Then why play at being in a hurry?
[1701] I don't know.
[1702] Perhaps I am in a hurry after all, [1703] it was the impression I had a short time ago.
[1704] But my impressions.
[1705] And what after all if I were not so anxious as I make out to recall to mind all that is left to me of all I ever had? [place = margin left] had, a good dozen objects at least to put it mildly?
[1706] No no, I must? [place = margin left] .
[1707] Then it's something else.
[1708] Where were we?
[1709] My bowl.
[1710] So I never got rid of it.
[1711] I used it as a receptacle, I kept things in it, I wonder what I could have kept in it, so small
[p. 102r]
[1711] a space, and I made a little cap for it, out of tin.
[1712] Next.
[1713] Poor Macmann.
[1714] Decide [place = margin left] dly it will never have been given to me to finish anything, except perhaps breathing.
[1715] One must not be greedy.
[1716] But is this how one chokes?
[1717] Presumably.
[1718] And the rattle, what about the rattle?
[1719] Perhaps it is not de rigueur after all.
[1720] To have vagitated and not be bloody well able to rattle.
[1721] How life dulls the power to protest to be sure.
[1723] I wonder what my last words will be, written, the others do not endure, but vanish, into thin air.
[1724] I shall never know.
[1725] I shall not finish this inventory either, a little bird tells me so, the paraclete perhaps, psittaceously named.
[1726] Be it so.
[1727] A club in any case, I can't help it, I must state the facts, without trying to understand, to the end.
[1728] There are moment [place = supralinear] moments when I feel I have been here always, perhaps even was born here. [1728|001] Then it passes.
[1729] That would explain many things.
[1730] Or that I have come back after a long absence.
[1731] But I have done with feelings and hypotheses.
[1732] This club is mine and that is all about it.
[1733] It is stained with blood, but insufficiently, insufficiently.
[1734] I have defended myself, ill, but I have defended myself.
[1735] That is what I tell myself sometimes.
[1736] One boot, originally yellow, I forget for which foot. [1737] The other, its fellow, has gone.
[1738] They took it away, at the beginning, before they realized I should never walk again.
[1739] And they left the other, in the hope I would be sadde saddened, seeing it thee [place = overwritten] re, without its fellow.
[1740] Men are like that.
[1741] Or perhaps it is on top of the cupboard.
[1742] I have looked for it everywhere, with my stick, but I never thought of the top of the cupboard. [1742|001] Till now.
[1743] And as I shall never look for it any more, [place = margin left] or anything else any more either on top of the cupboard or elsewhere [place = margin left] anywhere else, it is no longer mine.
[p. 103r]
[1744] For only those things are mine the whereabouts of which I know e [place = overwritten] well enough to be able to lay hold of them, if necessary, that is the definition I have adopted, to define my possessions. For otherwise there would be no end to it. But in any case there will be no end to it.
[1745] It did not greatly resemble - but it is wrong of me to dwell upon it - the one I have preserved, the yellow one, remarkable for the number of its eyeholes, I never saw a boot with so many eyeholes, useless for the most part, having ceased to be holes, and become slits.
[1746] All these things are together in the corner in a heap.
[1747] I could a [place = overwritten] lay hold of them, even now, in the dark, I need only wish to do so.
[1748] I would identify them by touch, the message would flow all along the stick, I would hook the desired object and bring it over to the bed, I would hear it coming towards me over the floor, gliding, jogging, less and less dear, I would hoist it up on the bed in such a way as not to break the window or damage the ceiling, and at last I would have it in my hands.
[1749] If it was my hat I might put it on, that would remind me of the good old days, though I remember them sufficiently well.
[1750] It has lost its brim, it looks like a bell-glass to put over a melon.
[1751] In order to put it on and take it off you have to grasp it like a great ball, between your palms.
[1752] It is perhaps the only object in my possession the history of which I have not forgotten, I mean counting from the day it c [place = overwritten] became mine.
[1753] I know in what circumstances it lost its brim, I was there at the time, [1754] it was so that I might keep it on while I slept.
[1755] I should rather like it to be buried with me, w [place = margin left] a harmless whim, but what steps should I take?
[1756] Mem, put it on on the off-chance, well wedged down, before it is
[p. 104r]
[1756] too late.
[1757] But all in due time.
[1758] Should I go on I wonder.
[1759] I feel i [place = overwritten] I am perhaps attributing to myself things I no longer possess and reporting as missing others that are not missing. And I feel there are others, over there in the corner, belonging to a third categor category, that of those of which I know nothing and with regard to which therefore there is little danger of my being wrong, or of my being right.
[1760] And I remind myself also that since I last went th through my possessions much water has passed beneath Butt Bridge, in both directions.
[1761] For I have sufficiently perished in this room to know that some things go out, and other things come in, through I know not what agency.
[1762] And among thsoe [place = margin left] [ ] 
that go out there are some that come back, after a more or less prolonged absence, and others that never come back.
[1763] With the result that, among those that come in, some are familiar to me, others not.
[1764] I don't understand.
[1765] And, stranger still, there exists a whole family of objects, having apparently very little in common, which have never left me, since I have been here, but remained quiety quietly in their place, in the corner, s [place = margin left] as in any ordinary uninhabited room.
[1766] Or else they were very quick.
[1767] How false all that rings.
[1768] But there is no guarantee th things will be ever thus.
[1769] I cannot account in any other way for the changing aspect of my possessions.
[1771] So that, strictly speaking, it is impossible for me to know, from one moment to the next, what is mine and what is not, according to my definition.
[1772] So I wonder if I should go on, I mean go on drawing up an inventory corresponding perhaps but faintly to the facts, a [place = margin left] and if I should not rather cut it short and devote myself to another [place = margin left] some other form of distraction,
[p. 105r]
[1772] of less consequence, or simply wait, doing nothing, or counting perhaps, one, two, three and so on, until all danger to myself from myself is past at last.
[1773] That is what comes of being scrupulous.
[1774] If I had a penny I would let it make up my mind.
[1775] Decidely Decidedly the night is long and poor in counsel.
[1776] Perhao [place = overwritten] ps I should persist until dawn.
[1777] All things considered.
[1778] Good idea, excellent.
[1779] If at dawn I am still there I shall take a decision.
[1780] I am half asleep.
[1781] But I dare not slaeeep [place = supralinear] sleep.
[1782] Rectifications in extremis, in extremissimis, are always possible after all.
[1783] But have I not perhaps just passed awau [place = overwritten] y. [place = overwritten] ?
[1784] Malone, Malone, no more of that.
[1785] Perhaps I should call in all my possessions such as they are and take them into bed with me.
[1786] How would that be? Would that be of any use?
[1787] I suppose not.
[1788] But I may.
[1789] I have always that [place = margin left] r[⁁]esource.
[1790] When it is light enough to see.
[1791] Then I shall have them all round me, on top of me, under me, in the corner there will be nothing left, all will be in the bed, with me.
[1792] I shall hold my photograph in my hand, my stone, so that they can't get away.
[1793] I shall put on my hat.
[1794] Perhaps I shall have something in my mouth, my scrap of newspaper perhaps, or my buttons, and I shall be lying on other treasures still.
[1795] My photograph.
[1796] It is not a photograph of me, but I am perhaps at hand. [1797] It is an ass, taken from in front and close up, at the edge of the ocean, its it is not the ocean, but for me it is the ocean.
[1798] They naturally tried to make it raise its head, so that its beautiful eyes might be impressed on the celluloid, but it holds it lowered.
[1799] You can tell by its ears that it is not pleased.
[1800] They put a boater on its head.
[1801] The thin hard parallel legs, the little hooves light and d