MS-UoR-1552-1

[0010|001] One. [0011] Sound (Gong?)

[0013] Fade up [⁁]^{to dim} on strip. [0014] Rest in darkness.

[0015] M pacing

DIAGRAM 2

[0016] M halts facing front at 3 ½.

[0017] 5 seconds

[0018] Mother.

[0023] Yes Mary.

[0024] Were you asleep?

[0025] Deep asleep. [0026] (Pause.) [0027] I heard you in my deep sleep. [0028] (Pause.) [0029] There is no sleep so deep I would not hear you.

[0029|001] What kind of sleep is that?

[0033] (at 2, synchronous with steps). [0034] One two three four five six seven wheel, one two three four five six seven wheel. [0034|001] (Pause. [0035] Free.) [0036] Will you not try xx xxx to ^{to get a little} sleep?

[0039] Would you like me to give you another xxx ^{inject you again?}

[0040] Yes, but it is too soon.

[0042] Would you like me to change your position?

[0043] It is too soon.[⁁] ^[A]

DOODLE 1

[0045] Rearrange yr. pillows? [0046] (Pause.) [0047] Change the ^your drawsheet? [0048] (Pause.) [0049] Pass you the urinal? [0050] (Pause.) [0051] The bedpan? [0052] (Pause.) [0053] Tell you a story? Dress your sores? [0054] (Pause.)
V [0054|001] Tell you a story? bedtime story?

[0063] Yes. But not just yet ^{It is too soon.}

[0065] How old am I now?

[0066] And I?

[0070] I suppose coming ^{going getting} on to ^for 8⁹0 .

[0071] As much as that?

[0072] Seventy ^Eighty-nine, eighty ninety.

[0073] I had you late in life.

[0073|001] Could you not have waited?

[0073|002] I lost control of myself ^{forgot myself} for a moment.

[0082] Well?

[0083] You must be in yr. for well into ^{well into} your forties.

[0084] Is that all?

[0085] I'm afraid so.

[0086] (5 seconds ^Pause. [0087] M resumes pacing. [0088] 5 seconds.) [0089] Mary

[0093] (Pacing). [0094] Yes mother.

[0097] Can you not stop turning ^revolving it all over?

[0098] (Pacing). [0099] It?

[0100] It all. [0101] (Pause.) [0102] In your poor head ^mind. [0103] (Pause.) [0104] It all. [0105] [⁁]^(Pause) [0106] ^{It all.}

[0112|001] Two. [0113] Sound

[0118|001] Now I am one who may not predecease her. [0118|002] Chilling prospect, for her physical health is fair. [0129] See how firm she stands, how clear the complexion ^skin and, when she moves, with what poise. [0130] (Pause.) [0133] Yet she never goes abroad, she has not been abroad now for - let me calculate - over 30 years. [0133|001] So no hope from that quarter. [0134] (Pause.) [0139] Where is she, it may be wondered. [0141] She is in the old home, the same where she was fooled into this world by the old family physician, a general practitioner named Haddon, long gone to his account. [0141|001] So much for that unity. [0141|002] (Pause.) [0141|003] Though on the plain side, [⁁]^{as you may see} she has had admirers, male & female, but none outstanding, as far as ^that one knows. [0141|004] [⁁]^{Indeed that} That she is still a maid is almost certain. [0141|005] So no light from that quarter. [0148] (Pause.) [0149] Let us pass on now and ask, When did this begin? [0149|001] Shall we say, In girlhood? xxx Well before puberty? [0151] And that when other girls of her age were out playing hockey, or otherwise revelling in life, she was at this selfsame place where you see her now, now still and outwardly calm, now pacing back & forth, back & forth, with tread more measured than at sentry-go? [0152] (Pause.) ^{[0177] Does she ever utter now? still sleep? [0178] In fits & starts, bows her head till it rests against the wall and gets a little light sleep. [0180] xxx xxx xxx xxx? Still speak. [0181] Some nights it is said she does, in the dead hour when all are sleeping and she thinks xxx xx xxx none can xxx hear.}
[0155] The floor here, now bare as some ^of you may see, was once -. [0155|001] (Pause. [0156] M starts pacing.) [0158] But let us watch her pace in silence. [0163] (M paces in silence till finally, at one or other end of strip, V joins in, synchronous with steps.) [0164] One two three four five six seven wheel, one two three four five six seven wheel. [0164|001] (Pacing continues) [0164|002] Dix till M halts at same point as at curtainside. [0161] See with what grace she wheels, now deasil, now withershins, and, when she halts, how always facing xxx ^{the wall}, to gaze before her with unseeing eyes. [0165] (Pacing continues till M halts at xxx R end of strip.) [0166] Now to return to this strip ^stretch of floor, once it was carpeted, a deep pile, [0167] until one day, while still little more than a child, she called her mother & said, Mother, this is not enough. [0168] What do you mean, Mary, said the mother, incidentally long gone to her account, what can you possibly mean, Mary, not enough? [0173] No, mother, she said, I must hear xxx the feet, however faint they fall. [0175] (Pacing resumed.)

[0119] I walk here now. [0120] (Pause.) [0121] Rather I come & sit. [0122] (Pause.) [0123] At nightfall. [0124] (Pause.) [0125] My voice is in her head. [0126] (Pause..) [0127] She thinks she is alone. [0128] (Pause.) [0129] xxx ^See h^How firm ^still she stands^{, facing the wall.} [0130] (Pause.) [0131] How calm, ^outwardly clear, if a little grey, the complexion. [0132] (Pause.) [0133] She has not been out since girlhood. [0134] (Pause.) [0135] She hears in her head, She has not been out since girlhood. [0136] (Pause.) [⁁]^{[0137]Not out since girlhood. [0138] (Pause.)[⁁]} [0139] Where is she?, it may be asked. [0140] (Pause.) [0141] In the old home, the same where she came into the world. [0141|001] (Pause.) [0141|002] A general practitioner named Haddon, dead too. [0141|003] (Pause.) [0141|004] Though always on the plain side she once had an admirer. [0141|005] (Pause.) [0141|006] That she is still a maid is almost certain. [0148] (Pause.) [0149] When did this behaviour begin ^{start begin}? [0150] (Pause.) [0151] When other girls ^{of her age} were out at hockey & lacrosse she was already here. [0152] (Pause.) ^{[0153] At this. [0154] (Pause.)} [0155] The floor here, now bare, was once - [0156] (M moves.) [0158] But let us watch her pace in silence. [0159] (Pacing ^{M paces}.) [0161] With what grace she wheels See how Watch ^See how feat she wheels. [0162] (Wheels, paces. [0163] 3 xxx xxx with steps.) [0164] Two three four five ... [0165] (Paces, wheels, paces, halts at R.) [0166] The floor here, this strip of floor, once it was carpeted, a deep pile, [0167] till one day, while still little more than a child, she called her mother & said, Mother, this is not enough. [0168] The mother: Not enough? [0169] Mary: - the daughter's ^child's given name - Mary: No, Mother. [0170] The Mother: What do you mean, Mary, not enough, what can you possibly mean, Mary, not enough? [0171] Mary: No, Mother, I must hear the feet, however faint they fall. [0172] The Mother: The motion is not enough? [0173] Mary: No mother, the motion is not enough, I need to hear the feet, however faint they sound. [0174] (Pause. [0175] Pacing resumed. [0176] With pacing.) [0177] Does she still sleep?, it may be asked. [0178] Yes, in fits and starts, bows her head against the wall and gets a little sleep. [0179] (Pause.) [0180] Still speak? [0181] Yes, it is thought some nights she does, when she thinks none can hear. [0182] (Pause.) [0183] Tells how it was. [0184] (Pause.) [0185] Tries to tell how it was. [0186] (Pause.) [0187] It all. [0188] (Pause.) [0189] It all.

[0202] "Epilogue ^Appendix: [0203] Some 10 years later, when xxx the memor she was quite gone from memory, forgotten, she began - [0204] (Pause.) [0205] Some 5 years later, when it was as though she had never been, ^{as indeed of course she scarcely had,[⁁]} [⁁]^{[0205]but had she? [0205|001] (Pause.) [0205|002] Had she? [0205|003] (Pause.) [0205] Some five years later, when it was as though she had never been,} [0205] she began to walk. [0206] (Pause.) [0207] At nightfall. [0208] (Pause.) [0209] She would enter the little church by the south door, always closed at that hour, and walk slowly up & down - (Pause.) and walk up and down at normal walking pace, neither fast nor slow, the corresponding transept. [0210] (Pause.) [0211] Sometimes she would halt, like ^as one arrested by some thought, and stand quite still more or less long - (pause) - longly - (pause) - quite still more or less longly before moving on again, at the same speed. [0211|001] But not always. [0212] And many were the evenings when her walk ^pacing continued without interruption ^unbroken , until she vanished xxx the way she had come. [0213] (Pause.) [0213|001] The appearance. [0213|002] (Pause.) [0214] No sound of course. ^{[0215] (Pause.) [0216] None at least to be heard.} [0217] (Pause.) [0218] The appearance. [0219] (Pause.) [0224] Faint, but by no means invisible. [0225] (Pause.) [0228] Grey rather than white, a light shade of grey. [0229] (Pause.) [0230] xxxed Ragged. [0231] (Pause.) [0232] A tangle of rags. [0233] (Pause.) [0233|001] Pale grey rags. [0233|002] (Pause.) [0234] A faint tangle of pale grey rags. [0236] Watch it - (Pause.) Watch her pass before a candle ^candelabrum how the flame ... the flame ... like moon through cloud ^cloud. [0237] (Pause.) [0237|001] Or mist. [0238] So soon after having gone, as though never been, began to walk, along the southern transept, to and fro, at nightfall. [0239] (Pause.) [0240] Nightfall. [0241] (Pause.) [0242] That is to say, at certain periods of the year, during evensong. [0243] (Pause.) [0249] M^rs Winter, whom the reader will remember, M^rs Winter, one October ^autumn Sunday evening in October, on sitting down to supper with xx with her daughter after worship, after a few half-hearted mouthfuls laid down her knife and fork & gazed before her ^{bowed her head}. [0250] What is it, mother, said the daughter, a ^that very strange girl - ^{though hardly a girl any more ...} (Brokenly) Terribly ^Dreadfully unhappy ... [0252] (Normal voice.) [0253] What is it, mother, are you not feeling well? [0255] M^rs Winter did not at once reply. [0256] Then finally, raising her head and fixing Emily (?) - the daughter's given name, as the reader will remember - fixing Emily full in the eye, she said. ^{- (Pause.) she murmured.} Did you notice ^{see notice} anything unusual in church this evening? [0257] Emily: No, mother, I did not. [0258] M^rs Winter: Perhaps it was just my imaginati fancy. [0259] Emily: Just what, Mother, did you fancy it xx xx it was. [0260] (Pause.) [0261] Just what, mother, did you fancy you saw it was you saw. [0263] Mrs Winter - [0262] (Pause) [0263] M^rs Winter: And you noticed nothing? [0264] Emily: Nothing at all, mother, to put it mildly. [0268] I saw nothing, heard nothing. [⁁]^{Nothing at all.} [0269] I was not there. [0270] M^rs Winter: Not there? [0271] Emily: Not there. [0272] M^rs Winter: But I heard you respond. [0273] (Pause.) [0274] I heard you say Amen. [0275] (Pause.) [0276] How could you have said Amen if, as you claim, you were not