MS-HRC-SB-5-9-2

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[1858] [p. 30r] shelter, reinforcing those of the ground. [1859] That must be something, while waiting for oblivion, to feel a prop and a buckler, not only for one of one's six surfaces, but for two, for the first time, to feel exposed on four sides only, while waiting for oblivion. [1860] But Worm will never know this joy but darkly, being less than a beast, until before he is restored to the state in which he was, or more or less, before the beginning of his prehistory. [1861] Then they will grab hold of him and take back among them ^{gather him into their midst}. [1862] For if they could make a little hole for their the eye, and then bigger ones for the arms, they can make one bigger still for the transit of Worm, who cannot be very voluminous, from darkness to light. [1863] But what is the good of talking about what they will do as soon as Worm sets himself in motion, so as to gather him without fail into their midst, since he cannot set himself in motion, though he often desires to, if when speaking of him one may speak of desire, and one may not, one should not, but there it is, that is the way to speak of him, that is the way to speak to him, as if he were alive, as if he could understand, even though it serves no xxx purpose, and it serves none. [1864] And it is a blessing for him that he cannot move ^stir, even though he suffers because of it, for he would sign his condemnation to life, if he were to stir from where he is, in search of a little calm and something of the silence of old. [1865] But perhaps one day he will stir, the day when the little effort of the early days, infinitely weak, will have become, by dint of repetition, a great effort, and strong enough to tear him from where he is. [1866] Or they will let him perhaps one day they will let him be, letting go their hands, filling up the cavit holes and departing, towards more fruitful occupations, in Indian file. [1867] For a decision must be reached, and the scales must tilt, to one side or the other. [1868] No, one can spend one's life thus, unable to live, unable to bring to life, and die in vain, having been nothing, done nothing. [1869] It is strange that they xx do not go and fetch him in his den, to which since they seem to have access to it. [1870] They dare not. [1871] The air in the midst of which he lies is not for them, but they want him to breathe theirs. [1872] They could set a dog on him perhaps, with instructions to drag him out. [1873] But no dog would survive there either, not for a second. [1874] With a long pole perhaps, with a hook at the end. [1875] But the place where he lies is vast, that's interesting, he is far from them their

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[1875] [p. 31r] reach, even with the longest pole. away, too far to be reached even with the longest pole. [1876] That tiny blur, alone in the middle of the pit, is he. [1877] There he is now in a pit. [1878] Everything will have been tried. [1879] They say they see him, the blur is what they see, they say it is he. [1880] Perhaps it is. [1881] They say he hears them, they don't know, perhaps he does, yes, he hears, nothing else is certain, Worm hears, though hear is not the word, but it will do, it will have to do. [1882] They look down upon him then, that's the according to the latest news, he'll have to climb to reach them. [1883] Bah, the latest news is not the last. [1884] The slopes are gentle that meet where he lies, they flatten out under him, it is not a meeting, it is not a pit, that didn't take long, soon we'll have perched on an eminence. [1885] They don't know what to say, to be able to believe in him, what to invent, to be reassured, they see nothing, they see grey, like still smoke, unbroken, where he might be, if he must be somewhere, where they have sworn he is, toward which they launch their voices, one after the other, in the hope of dislodging him, hearing him stir, seeing him loom within reach of their gaffs, their hooks, their barbs, their grapnels, saved at last, home at surrendered at last home at last. [1886] And that's now that's enough about them, their usefulness is over, no, not yet, better keep them, they may still serve, let them stay where they are, turning about him, launching their cries, through the hole, there must be a hole for the cries too. [1887] ^But is it them he hears? [1888] Are they really necessary that so that he may hear, they and similar puppets? [1889] Enough concessions, to the spirit of geometry. [1890] He hears, that's all about it, he who is alone, and dumb, hidden in lost in the smoke, it isn't real smoke, there is no fire, no matter, strange hell , no that has no heating, no inhabitants, perhaps it's paradise, perhaps it's the light of paradise, and the solitude, and this voice the voice of the blest interceding, invisible, for the living, and for the dead, all is possible. [1891] It isn't the earth, that's all that counts, it can't be the earth, it can't be a hole in the earth, inhabited by Worm alone, or by others too if you like, lying in a heap like him, dumb, immovable, nor this voice the voice of those who mourn them, envy them, call them and forget them, that would explain its incoherence, all is possible. [1892] Yes, so much the worse, he knows it is a voice, God knows how how is not known, nothing is known, he understands nothing it says, he understands he understands nothing it says, just a little, almost

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[1892] [p. 32r] nothing, it's incomprehensible, but necessary, preferable, that he should understand just a little, almost nothing, like a dog to which the same filth is always flung, that always gets the same filth flung at him, the same orders, the same threats, the same coaxings. [1893] That deals settles that. [1894] The conclusion is in sight. [1895] But the eye, let's leave him his eye too, it's to see with, this great wild black and white eye, moist, it's to weep with, it's to practise with, before he goes to Killarney. [1896] What does he do with it, he does nothing with it, he holds it open, the eye stays open, it's an eye without lids, no need for lids here, where nothing happens, or so little, he doesn't want to ^might miss the rare sights infrequent sights if he could blink, if he could close it he might miss the infrequent sights, if he could close it, the kind he is is, he'd never open it again. [1897] Tears gush from it practically without ceasing, why is not known, nothing is known, whether it's for ^with rage, or whether it's for ^with grief, the fact is there, perhaps it's the voice that makes him weep, with rage, or some other passion, or ^with having to see, from time to time, some sight or other, perhaps that's it, perhaps he weeps in order not to see, though it seems difficult to attri credit him with an initiative of this importance. [1898] The rascal, he's getting humanized, he's going to loose, if he doesn't wat watch out, if he doesn't care take, and with what could ^could he take care, with what could he form the faintest conception of the condition they are entangling him in, with their ears, their eyes, their tears and a kind of brainpan where anything can happen. [1899] That's his strength, his only strength, that he his inability to understand, to take care that he understands nothing, can't take thought, doesn't xxx know what they want, doesn't know that they're there, feels nothing, ah but wait a moment, he feels, he suffers, the xx noise makes him suffer, and he knows, he knows it's a voice, and he understands, a few expressions here and there, a few intonations, all that's bad, bad, ah it looks bad, bad, no, perhaps not, for it's they who describe him thus, without knowing, thus because they wish him thus, perhaps he knows nothing, suffers from nothing, and this eye, mere imagination. [1900] He hears, true, though it's they again who say so, but it c this can't be denied, this is better not denied. [1901] Worm hears, that is the only certain is all all that can be said for certain, whereas

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[1901] [p. 33r] there was a time when he did not, the same Worm, according to them, he has therefore changed, that's grave, gravid, who knows to what extremes he may be carried, no matter, he can be trusted. [1902] The eye too, of course, is there to put him to flight, to make him afraid, take fright, badly enough to break his bonds, they called that bonds, ah mother of God, the things people say, perhaps it's tears of hilarity. [1903] Well, no matter, let's xxx xx get on to the end of the joke, we must be nearly there, and see what they have to offer him, in the way of bugaboos. [1904] Who, we? [1905] Don't speak all at once, together, there's no good in that ei that's no good either. [1906] All will be resolved, later on in the evening, everyone gone and silence restored. [1907] No sense in bickering In the meantime no sense in bickering about pronouns and other parts of blather. [1908] The subject doesn't matter, there is none. [1909] Worm being in the singular, as it happens, they are in the plural, to avoid confusion, confusion confusion is better avoided, pending the great confounding. [1910] x Perhaps there is only one of them, one would do just as well, but he might get confused with his victim, that would be abominable, almost as bad as masturbation regular masturbation. [1911] We're getting on. [1912] Nothing much then in the way of sights to see. [1913] Who But who can who hasn't been there, lived there, they call that living, for them the spark is present, ready to burst into flame, all it needs is to be preached upon, to become a living torch, screams included. [1914] They ca Then they can go silent, without having to fear an embarrassing silence, when steps are heard on graves as the saying is, real torture. [1915] Decidedly this eye (is hard of hearing. hearing) ^{is very longeared}. [1916] Noises travel, traverse walls, but can the same be said of appearances? [1917] By no means, generally speaking. [1918] But the present case is rather par special. [1919] But what appearances, it is always well to try and find know what one is talking about, even at the risk of even at the risk of being deceived. [1920] This grey to begin with, meant to be depressing no doubt. [1921] And yet there is yellow in it, pink too one co apparently, it's a nice grey, of the kind descri described as going with everything, urinous and warm. [1922] In it In it the can see, otherwi otherwise why the eye, but dimly, to put it vaguely, no superfluous avoid superfluous particulars, doomed to be given the lie to. [1923] A man would wonder where his kingdom ended, his eye would strive to penetrate the gloom, he

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[1923] [p. 34r] would give his eyes for a stick, an arm, fingers capable of grasping and letting fly, at the right moment, a stone, stone after stone, or for the power to utter a cry and wait, counting the seconds, for his cry to come back, and suffer certainly, at having neither voice nor other missile, nor limbs in his obedience, bending and unbending at the word of command, and perhaps regret being a man, under such conditions, that is to say a head abandoned to its ancient, solitary resources. [1924] But Worm suffers only from the noise which prevents him from being what he was before, note the nice difference. [1925] If it's the same Worm, and they've set their hearts on it. [1926] And if it's not it makes no difference, he suffers as he has always suffered, from this noise which prevents nothing, that must be feasible. [1927] In any case this grey can add hardly add to his troubles, brightness would be better for that purpose, since he cannot close his eye. [1928] He cannot avert it either, nor lower it, nor raise it, it remains trained for ever on the same tiny field, unfamiliar with the boons and blessings of accommodation. [1929] But perhaps one day brightness will come, little by little, or rapidly, or in a sudden flood, and then it is hard to see how Worm could stay, and it is hard to see too how he could go away. [1930] But impossible situations cannot be prolonged, unduly, the fact is well known notorious, either they disperse, or else they prove ^{turn out to be} possible after all, it's only to be expected, not to mention the other possibilities. [1931] Let there then be light, it will not necessarily be disastrous. [1932] Or let there be none, we'll do without it. [1933] xx But these lights, in the plural, which rear aloft, give the xxxage of swell, xx sweep down xxx and go out hissing, recalling the naja, perhaps the moment has come to throw them into the balance and have done with this equipoise, at last. [1934] No, it is not yet the moment, to do that. the moment has not yet come, to do that. [1935] Ha. [1936] None of your hoping here, that would spoil everything. [1937] Let others hope for him, outside in the cool, xxx in the light, if they have a wish to, or if they are obliged to, or if they are paid to, they must be paid to for it, they must be paid for it, they hope nothing, they hope things will last as they are, it's a cushy