MS-UoR-1552-3

[0018] Mother. ^{[0019] (Pause. [0020] No louder.) [0021] Mother.}

[0023] Yes, Mary.

[0024] Were you asleep?

[0025] Deep asleep. [0026] (Pause.) [0027] I heard you in my deep sleep. [0028] (Pause.) [0029] There is no sleep so deep I would not hear you there.

[0029|001] What kind of sleep is that?

[0033] (after first length, synchronous with steps).[0034] One two three four five six seven wheel one two three four ^five six seven wheel. [0035] (Free.) [0036] Will you not try to snatch a little sleep?

[0039] Would you like me to inject you again?

[0040] Yes, but it is too soon.

[0042] Would you like me to change your position?

[0043] Yes, but it is too soon.

[0045] Rearrange your pillows? [0046] (Pause.) [0047] Change your drawsheet? [0048] (Pause.) [0049] Pass you the urinal? [0050] (Pause.) [0051] The bedpan? [0052] (Pause.) [0053] Dress your sores? [0054] (Pause.) [0055] Sponge you down? [0056] (Pause.) [0057] Moisten your lips? [0058] (Pause.) [0059] ^{Pray with you?}

[0063] Yes, but it is too soon.

[0065] What age am I now?

[0066] And I?

[0070] Getting on for ninety.

[0071] As much as that?

[0072] Eighty-nine, ninety.

[0073] I had you late in life.

[0073|001] Not late enough.

[0077] Forgive me again.

[0082] Well?

[0083] Well into your forties.

[0084] Is that all?

[0085] I'm afraid so. [0087] (M resumes pacing. [0088] After first turn at L.) [0089] Mary.

[0094] [0093] (pacing). [0094] Yes, Mother.

[0097] Can you not stop revolving it all?

[0098] (pacing). [0099] It?

[0100] It all. [0101] (Pause.) [0102] In your poor mind. [0103] (Pause.) [0104] It all. [0105] (Pause.) [0106] It all.

[0119] I walk here now. [0120] (Pause.) [0121] Rather I come and stand. [0122] (Pause.) [0123] At nightfall. [0124] (Pause.) [0125] My voice is in her head. [0126] (Pause.) [0127] She fancies she is alone. [0128] (Pause.) [0129] See how still she stands, how firm, with her face to the wall. [0130] (Pause.) [0131] How outwardly unmoved. [0132] (Pause.) [0133] She has not been out since girlhood. [0134] (Pause.) [0135] She hears in her head, She has not been out since girlhood. [0136] (Pause.) [0137] Not out since girlhood. [0138] (Pause.) [0139] Where is she, it may be asked. [0140] (Pause.) [0141] In the old home, the same where she - [0142] (Pause.) [0143] The same where she began. [0144] (Pause.) [0145] Where it began. [0146] (Pause.) [0147] It all began. [0148] (Pause.) [0148|001] A general practitioner named Haddon. [0148|002] Long past his best. [0148|003] Not long to live. [0148|004] ^{His last mess}. [0148|005] (Pause.) [0148|006] Though always plain and dull, she once had an admirer. [0148|007] (Pause.) [0148|008] That she is still a maid is almost certain. [0148|009] (Pause.) [0149] When did this begin? [0150] (Pause.) [0151] When other girls of her age were out at hockey and lacrosse ^she was already here. [0153] [0152] (Pause.) [0153] At this. [0155] [0154] (Pause.) [0155] The floor here, now bare, was oⁿce - [0156] (M begins pacing. [0157] Steps audible as before.) [0158] But let us watch her move in silence. [0159] (M paces. [0160] Towards end of second length.) [0161] Watch how feat she wheels. [0162] (M turns, paces. [0163] Synchronous with steps third length.) [0164] Four five six. [0165] (M turns at L, paces one more length, halts facing front at R.) [0166] The floor here then, this strip of floor, once was carpeted, a deep pile, [0167] till one day, while still little more than a child, she called her mother and said, Mother, this is not enough. [0168] The mother: Not enough? [0169] Mary - the child's given name - Mary: No, Mother. [0170] The mother: What do you mean, Mary, not enough, what can you possibly mean, Mary, not enough? [0171] Mary: No, Mother, I must hear the feet, howeven faint they fall. [0172] The mother: The motion alone is not enough? [0173] Mary: No, Mother, the motion alone is not enough, I must hear the feet, however faint they fall. [0174] (Pause. [0175] M resumes pacing. [0176] With pacing.) [0177] Does she still sleep, it may be asked. [0178] Yes, in snatches, bows her head against the wall and sna^tches a little sleep. [0179] (Pause.) [0180] Still speak? [0181] Yes, some nights she does, when she fancies none can hear. [0182] (Pause.) [0183] Tells how it was. [0184] (Pause.) [0185] Tries to tell how it was. [0186] (Pause.) [0187] It all. [0188] (Pause.) [0189] It all.

[0202] Appendix: [0203] some ten years later, when she was quite forgotten, she began - [0204] (Pause.) [0205] Some few years later, when it was all as though it had never been, she had never been, she began to walk. [0206] (Pause.) [0207] At nightfall. [0208] (Pause.) [0209] Slip out into the little church by the south door, always closed at that hour, and walk up and down the corresponding arm. [0210] (Pause.) [0211] Sometimes she would halt, as one frozen by some motion of the mind, and stand stock still till she could mo^ve again. [0212] But many also were the evenings when the pacing continued unbroken, till she vanished the way she had come. [0213] (Pause.) [0214] No sound of course. [0215] (Pause.) [0216] None at least to be heard. [0217] (Pause.) [0218] The appearance? [0219] (Pause. [0220] Begins pacing. [0222] After one length halts facing front at L. [0223] Pause.) [0224] Faint, but by no means invisible, in a certain light. [0225] (Pause.) [0228] Grey rather than white, a light shade of grey. [0229] (Pause.) [0230] Ragged. [0231] (Pause.) [0232] A tangle of rags. [0233] (Pause.) [0234] A faint tangle of pale grey rags. [0235] (Pause.) [0236] Watch it - (Pause.) Watch her pass before a candelabrum, how the flames, the light of the flames...like moon through cloud. [0237] (Pause.) [0237|001] Or mist. [0237|002] (Pause.) [0238] Thus not long ^after having gone, as though never been, began to walk, along the south transept, up and down, at nightfall. [0239] (Pause.) [0240] Nightfall. [0241] (Pause.) [0242] That is to say, at certain seasons o^f the year, during evensong. [0243] (Pause.) [0244] Necessarily. [0245] (Pause. [0246] Starts pacing. [0247] Halts facing front after four steps. [0248] Pause.) [0249] Mrs Winter, whom the reader will remember, Mrs Winter, one autumn Sunday evening, on sitting down to supper with her daughter after worship, after a few half-hearted mouthfuls laid down her knife and fork and bowed her head. [0249|001] (Pause.) [0250] What is it, Mother, said the daughter, a very strange girl, though scarcely a girl any more...(Brokenly.) Dreadfully unhappy...[0252](Normal voice.) [0253] What is it, Mother, are you not feeling yourself? [0255] Mrs W did not at once reply. [0256] But finally, raising her head and fixing Emily - the daughter's given name, as the reader will remember - fixing Emily full in the e^ye, she said - (pause) - she murmured, Emily, did you notice anything strange in church this evening? [0257] Emily: No, Mother, I did not. [0258] Mrs W: Perhaps it was just my fancy. [0259] Emily: Just what exactly, Mother, did you perhaps fancy it was? [0260] (Pause.) [0261] Just what exactly, Mother, did you perhaps fancy it was you saw. [0263] Mrs W: You noticed nothing unusual? [0264] Emily: No, Mother, I did not, to put it mildly. [0265] Mrs W: What do you mean, Emily, to put it mildly, what can you possibly mean, Emily, to put it mildly? [0266] Emily: I mean, Mother, that to say I noticed nothing unusual is indeed to put it mildly. [0267] For I noticed nothing of any kind, unusual or otherwise. [0268] I saw nothing, heard nothing,

[0268] of any kind. [0269] I was not there. [0270] Mrs W: Not there? [0271] Emily: Not there. [0272] Mrs W: But I heard you respond. [0273] (Pause.) [0274] I heard you say Amen. [0275] (Pause.) [0278] How could you possibly have said Amen if, as you claim, you were not there? [0278|001] Emily - [0278|002] (Pause.) [0278|003] Emily: At the end? [0278|004] (Pause.) [0278|005] The very end? [0278|006] Mrs W: Well yes I suppose if you like, what difference does that make? [0279] (Pause.) [0280] "...and the love of God, and the fellow^ship DOODLE 1 of the Holy Ghost, be with us all, evermore. [0281] Amen." [0283] I heard you distinctly. [0283|001] Emily: I was there at the very end. [0284] (Pause. [0285] Starts pacing, [0286] after three steps halts facing front at R. [0287] Pause.) [0290] Mrs W: Emily. [0295] Emily: Yes, Mother. [0299] Mrs W: Will you never have done revolving it all? [0301] Emily: It? [0303] Mrs W: It all. [0305] [0304] (Pause.) [0305] In your poor mind. [0306] (Pause.) [0307] It all. [0308] (Pause.) [0309] It all.