MS-TCD-4662

[p. 24v]
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[0773] not understand that the pig was not to blame, but he himself, who had coddled it unduly. [0774] And he persisted in his error.

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[0775] Dead world, airless, waterless. [0776] That's right, your memories. [0777] Here and there, at the bottom of a crater, the shadow of a withered lichen. [0778] And nights of 300 hours. [0779] Dearest of lights, wan, pitted, least fatuous of lights. [0780] That's right, babble. [0781] How long can it have lasted, 5 minutes, 10 minutes? [0782] Yes, no more, not much more. [0783] But my sliver of sky is ^gleaming with it still. [0784] In the old days I used to count, up to 300 , 400, and with other things too, the showers, the bells, the chatter of the sparrows at dawn, I used to count, or for no reason, for the sake of counting, and then I divided by 60. [0785] That passed the time, I was time, I devoured the world. [0786] Not now, any more. [0787] A man changes. [0788] As he grows old.

[0789] In the filthy kitchen, with its earth floor, Sapo had his place, by the window. [0790] Big Louis and his son left their work, came and shook his hand, then went away, leaving him alone with the mother & the daughter. [0791] But they too had things to do, they too went away and left him. [0792] There was so much, so little time, so few hands. [0793] The woman, halting an instant between 2 errands, or in the middle of one, threw up her arms and in the same breath, unable to resist their great weight, let them fall again. [0794] Then she began to ^agitate them in a way difficult to describe, and not easy to understand. [0796] The movements suggested those, at once frantic and ^slack, of an arm

[p. 25r] [0796] shaking a duster, or a rag, to rid it of its dust. [0797] And so rapid was the trepidation of the limp, empty hands that there seemed to be four or five at the end of each arm, instead of the usual one. [0798] At the same time she angrily forced forth unanswerable questions, in the style of, What's the good? [0799] Her hair came loose and fell about her face. [0800] It was thick, grey and dirty, for she had no time to love it, and her face was pale and thin and as though gouged with worry and its attendant bitterness. [0801] The bosom — no, what matters is the head and then the hands it calls to its rescue before all else, that clasp, gesticulate then sadly resume their labour, lifting the old inert objects and changing their function, bringing them closer together and moving them further apart. [0802] But this pantomime and these ejaculations were not intended for any living person. [0803] For every day and several times a day she gave way to them, within doors and without. [0804] Then it little mattered to her whether she was alone ^unobserved or not ^or whether what she was doing was urgent or whether it could wait. [0805] But she dropped everything and began to cry and gesticulate, alone in the world probably and dead to what was going on about her. [0806] Then she fell silent and stood stockstill a moment before resuming whatever work she had abandoned or beginning something else. [0807] Sapo remained alone, by the window, the bowl of goat's milk on the table before him, forgotten. [0808] It was summer. [0809] The room was dark in spite of the door and window open on the great outer light. [0810] Through these narrow openings, far from each other apart, the light poured, lit up a narrow space, then died, undiffused. [0811] It had no steadfastness, no certainty of lasting as long as day lasted. [0812] The light was nowhere in the room in the way it was without, tranquilly, and ^unbroken between sky and earth. [0813] But it entered ^{at every moment}, renewed from without, entered and died at every moment, devoured by the dark. [0814]

[p. 25v]
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[0814] And at the least abatement of the influx the room grew darker and darker, until nothing in it was visible anymore. [0815] For the dark had triumphed. [0816] And Sapo, his face turned ^towards the land so resplendent that it hurt his eyes, felt in his back and all about ^him the unconquerable dark, and it licked at the light on his face. [0817] Sometimes abruptly he turned to face it, letting it envelop and pervade him^, with a kind of relieve. [0818] Then he heard more clearly the noise of those at work, the daughter ^{calling to} the goats, the father cursing his mule. [0819] But silence was in the heart of the darkness, the silence of dust and of the things that would never stir, if left to themselves. [0820] And the ticking of the invisible alarm-clock was like the voice of that silence which, like the dark, would one day triumph too. [0821] And then all would be silent and dark and things for ever ^{at rest}, at last. [0822] Finally Sapo took from his pockets the few poor gifts he had brought, put them on the table and went . [0823] But it sometimes happened, before he decided to go, before he went rather, for there was no decision, that a hen, taking advantage of the open door, would venture into the room. [0824] No sooner had she crossed the threshold than she ^paused on one leg, her head to one side, blinking, ^anxious. [0825] Then, reassured, she advanced a little further, jerkily with springy neck. [0826] It was a grey hen, perhaps the grey hen. [0827] Sapo got to know her well and, it seemed to him, to be well known by her. [0828] If he rose to leave she not fly into a flutter. [0829] But perhaps there were several hens, all grey and so alike in other respects that Sapo's eye, avid of resemblances could not distinguish them. [0830] Sometimes she was followed by a second, a third, and even a fourth, bearing no likeness to her, and little to one another, in the matter of plumage and entasis. [0831] These showed more confidence than the grey, who had led the way unscathed. [0832] They shone for an instant in the light, in the doorway, grew dimmer and dimmer as they advanced, and finally vanished.

[p. 26r] [0833] Silent at first, so as not to betray their presence, they began gradually to scratch and cluck, for happiness, and to relax their rustling feathers. [0834] But often the grey hen came alone or one of the grey hens if you prefer, for that is a thing will never be known, though it ^could easily have been, without much trouble. [0835] And all that was necessary, in order to know whether there was one grey hen or more than one, was for someone to be present when all the hens came running towards Mrs. Louis as she cried, ^{Tweet-tweet-tweet etc}! and ^{banged on} an old tin with an old spoon. [0836] But after all what help would that have been? [0837] For it was quite possible there were several grey hens and yet only one in the habit of coming to the kitchen. [0838] And yet the experiment was worth making. [0839] For it was quite possible there was only one grey hen, even at feeding-time. [0840] Which would have been conclusive. [0841] And yet that is a thing will never be known. [0842] For among those who did know some are dead, and the others have forgotten. [0843] And the day when to have it was urgent for Sapo to have this point cleared up, and his mind set at rest, it was too late. [0844] Then he began to be sorry he had not understood, in time to benefit by it, the importance that those hours were one day to assume, those long hours in that old kitchen where, neither quite indoors nor quite out of doors, he waited to be on his feet again, and in motion, and while he waited noted many things, among ^them this big anxious, ashen bird, poised irresolute on the bright threshold, then clucking, scratching behind the range and fidgeting its atrophied wings, soon to be sent flying with a broom and angry cries, and soon to return, cautiously, with little hesitant steps, stopping often to listen, opening and shutting its little bright black eyes. [0845] And Sapo went away, all unsuspecting, with the fond impression of having been present at everyday things of no consequence. [0846] He stooped to cross the threshold and saw before him the well, with its winch, chain and bucket, and often too a long wire of tattered washing drying swaying in the sun. [0847] ^He went by the little path he had come by, along the edge of the meadow in the shadow of the great trees that bordered the stream, the bed of which was a chaos

[p. 26v]
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[0847] of gnarled roots, stones and baked mud [0848] And so he went, often unnoticed, in spite his strange walk, his halts and sudden starts. [0849] Or the Louis saw him, from far off or from near by, or some of them from far off and the others from near by, suddenly emerge from behind the washing and set off along the path, without trying to detain him or even calling goodbye, and without taking umbrage at his leaving them in a way apparently so lacking in friendliness, for they knew he meant no harm. [0850] Or if at the time they could not ^{but feel} a little vexed, this feeling was quite dispelled a very little later, ^{when they found lying} on the kitchen table the crumpled paper-^bag containing a few little articles of haberdashery. [0851] And these humble but useful gifts, and this delicate way of giving, disarmed them too at the sight of the bowl of goat's milk only half emptied, or untouched, and prevented them from regarding this as an affront, in the way tradition required. [0852] But it appears on reflexion that Sapo's departure can seldom have escaped them. [0853] For ^at the least movement in the neighbourhood of their land, were it only that of a bird alighting or taking to wing, they raised their heads and opened wide their eyes. [0854] And even on the road, of which segments were visible more than a mile away, nothing could occur without their knowing it, and they were able not only to recognize all those who passed along it and whom the interval reduced to the dimensions of a pin's head, but also to divine where they were coming from, where they going to, and for what purpose. [0855] Then they cried the news to one another, but they often worked at a great distance apart, or they exchanged signals, all erect and facing towards the event, for it was one, before bowing themselves down again to mother earth. [0856] And at the first spell of rest enjoyed in common,

[p. 27r] [0856] around the table or elsewhere, each one gave gave his views on what had passed and listened to those of the others. [0857] And if at first they ^{were not in agreement} about what they had seen, they discussed doggedly until they were, in agreement I mean, or until they made up their minds they never would be. [0858] It was there difficult for Sapo to ^glide away unseen, even in the deep shadow of the trees that bordered the stream, even supposing ^{him to have} been capable of ^gliding, for his motions were rather those of one floundering in a quag. [0859] And all raised their heads and watched his antics, then looked at one another, before stooping again to the earth. [0860] And on each face bent to the earth there played perhaps a little smile that was not exactly a smile, a little rictus rather, but without malice, and each wondered perhaps if the others felt the same thing and promised himself to find out at their next meeting. [0861] But the face of Sapo as he stumbled away, now in the shadow of the venerable trees he could not name, now in the brightness of the high meadow, so - uncertain were his steps, the face of Sapo was as always grave, or rather expressionless. [0862] And when he paused it was the better to think, or the closer to pore upon his dream, but simply because the voice telling him to go on had ceased. [0863] Then with his pale eyes he stared at the earth, blind to its beauty, and to its utility, and to the little wild flowers of many colours, happy among the crops and weeds. [0864] But these stations were of short duration, for he was still young. [0865] And all of a sudden there he is off again, on his wanders, passing from light to shadow, from shadow to light, with indifference.

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^{End of Malone fragment}

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